'I don't want to join a group that will make me feel worse than I do already!'

 

If that's your cry, read on!

When you decide to join a support group for grandparents who have little or no contact with their grandchildren, something must have happened in your life for you to be looking for other like-minded people who are suffering as you are.

There's no need to make excuses about why you may be tearful or angry or have feelings of hopelessness. Everyone there just knows exactly how it is.

Negative into positive

Generally speaking, the issue that leads you to look for a 'no contact' support group is very likely to be a negative occurrence, so how do you turn a negative into a positive?

How do you deal with your feelings when a group might make you feel worse rather than better? This is, in fact, exactly what a grandparent said to me the first time I spoke to her. She had contacted me after seeing in the local press that I wanted to set up a group for grandparents who have no contact with their grandchildren. What she said has become something of a motto for our group.

Choosing a group where everyone takes part is a good way to start. If a group is run by all its members, they determine in which direction that group goes. The group might agree to write to MPs demanding changes in the family law process or it might want to write to the local press or national magazines and other media contacts.

Memory box

Regular meetings with everyone enjoying each other's company, asking their advice, listening to different ideas, are very positive. One idea we each adopted was photocopying all letters and cards sent to grandchildren and photos of family events such as weddings or birthday celebrations, and keeping them in a memory box to show our grandchildren one day.

The important word is 'support'. We're there to support each other in any way we can, and to rejoice when our goal is reached: being in contact with the future, our grandchildren.