Be a parent, don't ask the children to do your job.

Having spent 15 years in education working with children who need support I had become indoctrinated into the mantra of , 'we must listen to the child.'
I spent years listening.
Recently I have been made aware of how unwise that it per se.
If I asked a child, 'would you like sweets for breakfast,' odds on they would say yes.
Now as an adult I have learnt that for many reasons that is not good for the child.
So when we hear about, 'wishes and feelings,' when dealing with separation what are we actually asking the children?
We are asking them to make an impossible decision as to who they want to be with, simple which will it be, Mum or Dad?
This is ridiculous , obviously they want to be with both their parents, the child loves them both the same. They want to feel safe, secure and loved.
Suddenly in what has become a chaotic mess around them, with Mum and Dad shouting or Mum getting distressed, they are thrown into making a parenting decision.
They are not parents, they are children and should be free to grow up unhindered by parents making demands from them.
We all know about Parental Alienation, it is like a virus, it infects thousands,if not millions and there appears to be no cure, it leaves families disabled and diseased.
The worst scenario is that it kills.
Children are being subjected to witnessing one parent usually Mum (but not always) being in pain and hurting and Dad seems to be the one causing the suffering, if you were a child what would you do?
So now the child has to become a 'parent' supporting the one who is in pain, protecting them from the one who is perpetrating all this horror.
It is time for this to stop, children are growing up thinking that Dad is 'no good' is 'dangerous' 'mustn't talk about HIM'.
The childhood years are so short, they fly by and these children are being asked to make parental decisions, time for parents to do parenting, respect your differences , remain child-focussed, the best interest of the child, is to have a loving relationship with both parents, so they can just get on with being children.
Jane
www.bristolgrandparentssupportgroup.co.uk