Welcome.


Hi everyone and welcome to Bristol Grandparents Support Group blog. Although we are Bristol based we have grandparents from all over the UK and beyond as members.

It is estimated that over one million children in the UK are denied contact with their grandparents due to family breakdown which may have been caused by divorce/separation, alcohol/drug dependency,domestic violence,bereavement or family feud.
Every child has the right to have contact with their grandparents
if they wish and unless proven unsafe for them to do so. To deny contact from a parent or grandparent has to become as socially unacceptable as drink driving.
I hope to keep you up to date with what is going on in BGSG and I shall continue to campaign for the rights of children to have a loving and meaningful relationship with both parents and their extended family. So please join in as good to hear your views, not just mine!
I also will support via Skype.
There is no membership fee to be part of Bristol Grandparents Support Group.
Esther Rantzen says, " To every grandparent, links of love can never be broken in our hearts."

Please contact during office hours.
07773258270


Monday, 31 March 2014

Tea and Cake for the grandchildren.

Next meeting is this Friday April 4th at 2pm.
Jane
www.bristolgrandparentssupportgroup.co.uk

A week to call back, on a helpline?

There are many charities out there offering support and advice for a whole variety of issues, so when someone who is in distress contacts one of them, what would you expect?
The reality as shown today is that a  charity not only kept a grandparent on hold for 40 mins last week, but when she requested a call back call, it took a week.
Now I have grandparents contact me, who are desperate, distressed and need to talk to someone immediately not in a weeks time.
I am speechless.
Jane
www.bristolgrandparentssupportgroup.co.uk

1 in 10 children suffer neglect in the UK.

http://www.actionforchildren.org.uk/policy-research/policy-priorities/the-state-of-child-neglect-in-the-uk
Jane
www.bristolgrandparentssupporgroup.co.uk

Sunday, 30 March 2014

Mothering Sunday, just another day?

There will be thousands of Mums and Grandmothers waking up this morning being given posies of flowers from their children, being brought soggy Corn Flakes and burnt toast, for some a very special day.
A day for spending precious time with your family, and for Mums/Grandmothers to sit back and remember.
Remember how is was carrying those little bundles of joy for 9 months, remembering the overwhelming love for the new baby and the years that followed.
The trials and tribulations of family life.
Of course there are also many thousands who will just want this day to be over as quickly as possible.
Mums and Grandmothers who for a variety of reasons won't be recieving flowers or breakfast in bed, they are the Mums aching to hold their children, not just today but everyday. They are the same Mums who carried their children but for now there is a huge void in their hearts.
Grandmothers who were Mums first, will be wondering where it all went so badly wrong, why do their children want to put them through this agony, will this be the last Mothers' Day that they have to face this emptiness.
If I have one wish that could be granted, it would be for everyone who is either causing this pain or those who are on the receiving end to put the past behind them. There may have been hurt and misunderstood words but can it not be put behind them, for the sake of the children. All of these children were carried by Mums and Grandmothers, they are part of one another, just removing them physically will never remove them from the spirit and soul of us all.
Not only is it Mothering Sunday but it is also the beginning of Summertime, a time for new beginnings, new life and a time to look deep into ourselves and to put the children first.

Jane
www.bristolgrandparentssupportgroup.co.uk

"6 months is a long time in a child's life."

"Family Court system facing meltdown."

http://www.theguardian.com/law/2014/mar/29/legal-aid-cuts-family-courts-children

Jane
www.bristolgrandparentssupporgroup.co.uk

Friday, 28 March 2014

Grandparents in Northumberland/Tyne and Wear.

I have a grandparent who is looking to set up a group in Northumberland/Tyne and Wear, if you are interested in linking up please let me know.
You can contact me by leaving a comment below or emailing jane@bristolgrandparentssupportgroup.co.uk
All comments are moderated so may no appear straight away.
Jane
www.bristolgrandparentssupportgroup.co.uk

Thursday, 27 March 2014

My parents hearts leap.

I have heard on more than one occasion that grandparents are not important to a child's life.
You would expect me to strongly disagree, and you would be right.
I have written before on the importance of grandparents, and it is a two way relationship.
Children can experience history through their grandparents, they can learn in depth about older members of their family who are no longer with us, grandparents are part of their identity.
For grandparents the children are a window to life as it is now, they bring such joy, so much hope for the future.
Grandparents can feel rest assured that the world is in safe hands.
When a grandparent was talking about the relationship with her grandchildren and her own parents, so the great grandparents, she said, "My parents hearts leap when they have a visit from the boys."
What a fantastic sentence that is, one that I will carry around with me for a very long time.
Jane
www.bristolgrandparentssupportgroup.co.uk 

Tuesday, 25 March 2014

Derby Shoutout.

A grandparent in Derby is wanting to set up a group, or meet up with others who are denied contact with their grandchildren.
Please contact me if you are interested.
Jane
www.bristolgrandparentssupportgroup.co.uk

Hear the reality for grandparents who are denied contact.

In the coming months I have been asked to go and give talks about grandparents who find themselves being denied contact with their grandchildren.
If you are part of an organisation that would be interested in hearing about the reality of family separation from a grandparents point of view, please let me know.
Jane
www.bristolgrandparentssupportgroup.co.uk

Monday, 24 March 2014

Peter Howarth sings The Lord's My Shepherd.

A while ago we were interviewed for Songs of Praise, just after our item Peter Howarth, singer with The Hollies sang his version of The Lord's My Shepherd. He was on Good Morning Sunday recently and was talking about how he had been asked to sing on Songs of Praise, here is a link to the video :
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_46elCd6Oc8
Jane

Sunday, 23 March 2014

Our Badge.

Rights Reserved March 2014.


Thanks to  http://www.hellomynameispaul.co.uk

Dates of Meetings.

Just bumping this up as have been asked about dates 

Friday Feb 7th 2pm
Friday April 4th 2pm ( AGM)
Friday  June 6th 2pm
Friday August 1st 2pm
Friday October 3rd 2pm
Friday December 12th 2pm.



How do you cope?

"How do you cope, with it all" was a question I was asked last week.
It was a question that made me think, how do I cope?
It was not just how do I cope with my own living bereavement but it was how do I cope with the thousands of grandparents who contact me.
I think we all have our own ways of coping, we can pretend it isn't really happening to us, we can become engulfed in the grief or we can share.
On our website I talk about turning a negative into a positive and that was what I felt I had to do when I was faced with being denied contact with my granddaughter.
It is true to say that just sometimes I have to recharge my batteries and take time out.
Listening to so many heartbreaking stories, so much sadness of course has an affect on me. I do have to go and shed a tear or two every now and again, but the positives totally outweigh the negatives.
I have 'met' so many wonderful people and I hope made lifelong friends because we have a common bond.
Although I may have just put the phone down on a terribly distressed grandparent I then pick up the phone to a grandparent who has not heard anything from their grandchildren for years only to have just been contacted by them. The overwhelming joy in that grandparents voice is so powerful, I only wish I could share that emotion with everyone.
The kindness I receive from others is immeasurable and I will be eternally grateful.
BGSG uses Twitter a great deal, it is a great tool for reaching people and today I had one of my blogs RT'ed underneath they said they followed the Good Guys and they said I was one, I have never met these people at all, they just read my blogs, and it made me cry.
I am not a 'Good Guy' I am just a gran who misses her granddaughter and if I can lend an ear to others thats fine, that makes it all worth while.
Hang in there everyone we are here for each other.
Jane
www.bristolgrandparentssupportgroup.co.uk

Children must know why they are separated from their families- Sir James Munby.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/law-and-order/10705913/Children-separated-from-their-families-by-courts-must-know-why.html
Jane
www.bristolgrandparentssupportgroup.co.uk

Saturday, 22 March 2014

Donations.

A huge thank you to those grandparents who have sent donations to Bristol Grandparents Support Group.
As you know we don't have a membership fee, but as with everything it costs money to keep the group going, postage costs, phone costs including calls, website domain costs, ect.
You will also be aware that we are going to become a registered charity, but to be able to apply for charitable status you have to have an annual income of £5k, which is a daunting task.
Once again thank you everyone.

Jane
www.bristolgrandparentssupportgroup.co.uk


Friday, 21 March 2014

My grandchildren will forget me.

When you lose contact with your grandchildren you ask yourself all sorts of questions.
One is will they forget me?
I would say no, the children don't forget you, they just have to hold you in their hearts until the time is right for them to reach out to you again.
We have to remember that the children have to live their lives, they have to do what makes life as easy as possible for the time being.
Children know that if they keep talking about us it causes all sorts of problems for them, so they don't.
We have all been in situations where we know that talking about certain subjects can cause controversy, so if we are sensible we keep off that subject.
Children are no different.
 A grandparent who hasn't been part of their grandchildren's lives for several years, was told by a mutual friend that they had met with her grandchild, quite by accident and in conversation had said how much their grandparent missed her, and she replied, "Yes I know and I love her, it's just that it is a bit difficult at the moment."
Believe me, your grandchildren will never forget you, they are just waiting.
Jane
www.bristolgrandparentssupportgroup.co.uk

River Cottage Bristol and 16 grandparents!

You might be forgiving in thinking that attending a support group meeting is gloomy and depressing, take a look at this it might change your mind!

Today 16 grandparents had lunch at River Cottage Bristol Canteen, it was an opportunity for us to meet  in a totally different surrounding. Thank you so much everyone for your friendship and for the amazing support you give to each other. 
Jane

Thursday, 20 March 2014

Grandparents that lunch.

Look out River Cottage Bristol 16 grandparents to descend on you tomorrow for lunch!
Can't wait.
Jane
www.bristolgrandparentssupportgroup.co.uk

Surrogate grandparents?

This may be a strange question but, how would you feel if someone asked you to be a 'surrogate grandparent' would you be offended or jump at the chance?
Are you a parent whose parents don't want to fulfil their grandparent role, and yes there are some, would you like to have someone to be build up a relationship with your family in that sort of role.
I realise of course that there has to be safe guarding issues dealt with.
Please let me know.
Jane
www.bristolgrandparentssupportgroup.co.uk

Monday, 17 March 2014

Grandchildren saying it for themselves.

I don't know if it is because Spring is in the air or if it the Esther effect, but there has been four grandparents who are beginning to build bridges and relationships are in the process of being healed.
As you know I go on and on about never giving up hope and this is why.
 The children's voices are being listened to, which is how it should be, they want the relationship back that they hold so dear. Memories of good times with granny and grandpa, they have asked questions and are expecting answers.
There may be a long road to go, but if the will is there on both sides, it will work.
Allow the past to go, don't go over old ground, work towards a better future.
Respect each others differences and grab every opportunity to have a loving relationship once more.
I wish the grandparents involved all the love in the world and I expect to see photos!
Jane
www.bristolgrandparentssupportgroup.co.uk

Sunday, 16 March 2014

Testimonials.



  • “A very big "Thank you" to Jane Jackson and her husband for all that they do for Bristol Grandparents Support Group, not only for their kindness and hospitality but also for the part they are playing in changing attitudes to parenting and grand parenting - remarkable progress during last five years, thanks a million ! “


  • “Thank you so much for the support you give. Without your group, I think that many grandparents would go under.”


  • “Until yesterday I had never spoken to anyone who had suffered similar agonising grief. Friends can be very kind but there is a limit to how much they can take of your grief before their eyes glaze over and the jolly invites begin to dwindle.Yesterday I met and heard people talk about their experiences and I was stunned by the fact that we all have the same feelings and the same grief no matter what event actually triggered off the alienation. I am not the only person who lives in a state of total bafflement, grief and feeling of helplessness. I am so glad that I was able to make contact with you after your appearance on 'Inside Out West' and that I came to the meeting yesterday. The support group allowed me to feel that I am not alone and that there are people who are working hard to increase public awareness of the damage such emotional cruelty does to so many people, not least the very grandchildren for whom we all grieve.Thank you for your devotion to this group. I will see you at the next meeting.”


  • “I had been left with a huge hole in my heart not being able to see my grandchildren, as I love them so much. Before I met Bristol Grandparents Support Group , on the surface I was functioning but inside, my emotions were raw. I felt ripped apart it didn’t leave me, I woke weeping everyday.Meeting Jane, prevented my feelings getting any darker, listening to others in the same  situation. What was important was that the environment created by Jane as Marc, felt safe as the womb. Warm, friendly, knowing exactly what it feels like at every stage, caring, sensitive and managed in a professional way without formality. The group gives me a feeling of acceptance, because all the grandparents in this situation suffer the feeling of shame and failure as well as the pain, longing and regret. Everyone there knows all these feelings. Listening to others stories in a completely open, safe environment means that you learn to cope. I have heard some situations that are worse than mine which gives a sense of balance and hearing positive news when some grandparents are reunited gives me real hope, which in itself is healing.After a meeting, I feel I can cope a bit better until the next meeting. When the next meeting is due, I really feel I am beginning to wear thin and feel more desperation and hopelessness and am screaming inside for help. I can’t see any service in the NHS that can compare with the well-being that is created by the group. Jane and Marc offer their own home, to anyone, and it costs nothing.”Although the group consists of people from all walks of life, the atmosphere is always the same all through the seasons. Relaxed, calm, warm, healing, uplifting, lt's like coming home really. The feeling of support is really strong and powerful. It is empowering. Thank you.”



  • " I have not been able to see my grandchildren for several years and at the age of 70, I feel that time is running out for me. To be able to share my most innermost thoughts with others who feel the same helps me get through the day. If I am need of encouragement I will ring Jane, I usually put the phone down with a smile on my face."


  • " I am just writing to say thank you for all your support over recent months, I am pleased to tell you that yesterday, for the first time in many years I was reunited with my grandson. I can not express how I feel, I am just busting with happiness. If it hadn't been for you and your group I don't think I would be here today. Thank you so very much."


  • " Coming to your group is my life-line."


  • " BGSG has become so vital. The grief you feel when you are shut out of your grandchildren lives is unbearable. When there are no more visits, no more telephone calls,no laughter, all you have are photos and memories, you have to find support. Some where to go and grieve, to plan, to hear stories and share,to find hope. This sort of support can not be found in family or friends, it needs to be people who know completely. BGSG allows a flame of hope to quietly burn for all our lost grandchildren, in the messages we put on the Christmas Tree,or in the blogs we write, in simply sitting together. Just knowing you are not alone." 


  • "The friends I have met in the group will be life long friends and their support is immeasurable."

  • When I found this group - I was borderline on going under  - hadn't seen the grandkids for two years and it was now beginning to take it's toll beyond anything before.  I was considering therapy.

    Then as if by magic - I saw Jane's group.

    I emailed - then I rang - and I had renewed hope - it was Jane's words "They won't forget you - kids remember everything£

    That's what got me through. 

    The next day I woke up more positive than I had done in a very very long time. That first step put me on the right road and I haven't looked back.

    A huge heartfelt thank you Jane and Marc.

    xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Time to take the next step.

As BGSG has grown it is time for us to take the next step.
At the moment we are a small charity with a constitution and trustees, but to enable us to reach more grandparents we have decided to apply to be a registered charity.
To become registered you have to have an annual income of £5k, which is a somewhat daunting target for us.
It is a chicken and an egg situation in so much as, business and companies are reluctant to back you if you are not a registered charity but you have to have backing to even apply!
We are being given sound professional advice, for which we are so very grateful.
The aim is that we will become an umbrella group, where other grandparents will be able to set up their own groups with support from us.
We hope to visit those who are contemplating setting up, and to hold networking meetings.
We will raise our profile attending exhibitions and community based events.
Funding will also enable us to design and publish information booklets, leaflets and to update our website.
To date, as far as I am aware, we are the only group in the UK who focusses purely on grandparents who are denied contact.
We are looking forward to the future and to continue the ethos of BGSG which is to remain focused on the needs of the children who are embroiled in adult conflict.
Had better add that it doesn't mean that BGSG is going to disappear, it isn't, it is remaining exactly the same.
Jane
www.bristolgrandparentssupportgroup.co.uk

Saturday, 15 March 2014

Danger of the written word.

Writing this blog and the FB groups brings with it a responsibility and I don't always get it right, for which I apologies.
I use these pages for keeping people up to date with what is going on, and for offering a place where people can share their stories, feelings and to hopefully get support.
There is one big problem with communicating this way, very often I write quickly, I write from the heart and I make spelling mistakes, and grammatical errors, but one thing that can happen is that the written word is misunderstood.
When you face someone we all pick up on how a person is really feeling and by watching facial expression and body language we can actually 'speak' to one another without the use of words.
Recently when inviting thoughts and opinions on a subject, it was misunderstood, completely.
The result can be of some of us being left saddened and hurt.
I know that what ever I do I can not possibly please everyone.
The trouble with a situation like this is the ripple effect on others.
BGSG is a support group, a group of people to support one another, to boost each other on those particularly bad days, a safe place. It can't be a place where a difference of opinion upsets others.
So yet another note to self, re-read and re-read before writing anything.
One of my aims is not to be someone who is just at the end of the phone or computer, to give a 'stick a plaster on the wound,' reaction to a grandparent who needs support, but to be someone who is there for as long as it takes to walk along side them on this difficult journey.
I want to be someone who recognises that every person is unique, although it is estimated that a million grandparents suffer being apart from their grandchildren, it is not helpful to say things like, "Oh yes I have heard it all before,"the truth is that every individual family has their own loss.
We will often  say ourselves, or it will be said to us, " you need to get back to how things were before," it isn't a case of moving on or returning to normal.
Things will never be normal or back to how they were, but we learn to live differently and to except what has happened and for it to be part of our life.
Life throws numerous experiences at us on a daily basis, some good some heartbreaking but they all make us what we are today.
So I would just ask please that anyone reading these posts, that I want to get it right but sometimes I falter.

Jane
www.bristolgrandparentssupportgroup.co.uk



Thursday, 13 March 2014

Children and Families Act gains Royal Assent.

https://www.gov.uk/government/news/landmark-children-and-families-act-2014-gains-royal-assent

Jane
www.bristolgrandparentssupportgroup.co.uk

Don't involve your grandchildren's school.

Often when I am talking to grandparents they tell me how they sit outside their grandchildren's school, look over the school fence at playtime or even go into the school  to talk to the Head.
Although I understand so well why they do it, as they are desperate to see there precious grandchildren.
I would stronger urge you to take a step back, put yourself in your grandchild's place.
How is it going to affect them if they see you?
The children are embroiled in adult conflict that they don't understand, they are trying to unpick their own feelings, you will not help them by going to their school.
It is possible that in their own confusion the only place there is any resemblance of consistency is school. A place were they feel safe, a place were they can learn and grow without conflict and disturbance.
Possible the only place they can just be a child.
So please think of the children, and don't put the Head in an impossible situation.
They can not allow a grandparent to see a child without the permission of the parent.
Jane
www.bristolgrandparentssupportgroup.co.uk

Today-is the most positive 'waking up' morning I have had for a long time.

For those go you who have come straight to the blog and who have not seen the website, this is how and why BGSG was founded.
In 2007 I was denied contact with my granddaughter she was 7 years old and we had been in her life up until that point.
I could have so very easily continued down that dark tunnel but decided that I owed it to my granddaughter to be pro active.
So the long and sometimes very difficult journey began of reaching out to grandparents who were going through this living bereavement.
Seven years on and well over one thousand grandparents later, the stories continue of heartbreak and sorrow, but there is always hope and grandparents do become reunited and we all can celebrate their joy.
Every grandparent I speak to is unique their own personal story but every one makes an impact on me, and every now and again I need to recharge my own personal batteries and I do that by remembering a beautiful, now, young woman who keeps me strong and urges me on, my granddaughter.
Also when I receive emails like this one it gives me strength. Many thanks for the grandparent responsible for this email and in giving their permission for me to share it with you.

"Today - is the most positive 'waking up' morning I have had in a long time.

There are people worse off than me - there are people in better positions than me - BUT - we all have the same goal. To hear those words

"Hello grandma - I've missed you"

Going to start a new project and keep busy.

Thank you for giving me the opportunity to share the pain and the hurt with others in the same position THROUGH NO FAULT OF THEIR OWN!!! "

And so my granddaughter and messages just like this one is the reason I do what I do. 

Jane
www.bristolgrandparentssupportgroup.co.uk



Monday, 10 March 2014

I will just sit and wait, for as long as it takes.

When I held my first meeting back in 2007 I remember being very apprehensive, I had absolutely no idea who was going to come or what on earth their expectation was going to be.
That first ring on the doorbell made my heartbeat race, deep breath and I opened the door.
What was so clear was that the grandparent on the other side of the door was much more nervous than I was, after all at least I was on home ground.
Within  a very short time we began to relax, as more people arrived we all had one thing in common we    were being denied contact with our precious grandchildren.
Although of course we were all sad, the care and concern for one another lifted our spirits, we realised that we could actually help each other. Just for those few hours we could share and give suggestions of how to try and move forward.
Amazingly, there was laughter and smiles.
It continues to be that way 7years on, masses of cake and copious cups of tea have been consumed but most importantly, real friendships have been forged.
If you are reading this for the first time, and thinking about joining us, please do.
It will be me who is at the end of that phone when you ring, and I also  know that, you have just taken the first most difficult step, that first step of ringing that number. I have grandparents contact me who have had our number in their pocket for 6 months before plucking up the courage to ring.
I am not scary, honest!
Don't worry if you get upset, I won't go anywhere I will just sit and listen and wait, for as long as it takes.
I don't have the answers but I do understand and I do know every emotion you are feeling.
We will get through it together.
So please, lets talk.
Jane
www.bristolgrandparentssupportgroup.co.uk



An increase of parents representing themselves in court in private law cases.

http://www.familylawweek.co.uk/site.aspx?i=ed128083
Jane
www.bristolgrandparentssupportgropu.co.uk

Sunday, 9 March 2014

Organisations with no principles.

When I set up BGSG in 2007, I had strong principles that I hope I have struck to, I have had some bad experiences that have made me look at other organisations principles and to question some of them.
The focus  for me has always been and will continue to be the children who find themselves in this bewildering situation.
It is a support group, here to listen and understand.
To be empathetic and to celebrate good things that do happen.
As we are an independent group we don't have to tow any 'party' line, we do not have to be affiliated or linked to other organisations that in my opinion only have principles that suit their pockets in many cases.
Does that sound scathing, I certainly hope so.
There are big organisations taking large subscriptions from vulnerable people and what exactly are they giving in return, maybe a couple of back dated mags, the opportunities to attend seminars/conferences at exorbitant ticket prices, and on a helpline to be told,  "you need to get on with life," that particular grandparent told me she was suicidal, but who is working at the coal face?
Who are the people who are really listening?
As far as I can see it is the people who work so hard, day after day, having those all important one to ones with people, the locals supporting in their own communities.
What questions are asked when these organisations are appointing trustees etc, do they ask have you got the correct principles for this group? Apparently not.
How is it that an organisation can have a patron on their board that is opposed to  shared parenting and so preventing children to be able to have a loving and meaningful relationship with both parents, and to even remove the word presumption or for another organisation to link to that particular organisation, who are supposed to be working for families, I was told that this person "does not influence policy positions or support services"   
Oh, thats OK then.
So no principles there.
The longer I go on dealing with some of these organisation the more disillusioned I am.
Who can you trust?
In all honesty, probably no-one, just yourself.

Jane

Get your forms to Esther Rantzen by tomorrow March 10th.

Deadline for the return of your questionnaires to Esther Rantzen and The One Show is TOMORROW.
Jane
www.bristolgrandparentssupportgroup.co.uk

Karens' going underground into the world of the alienated child.

http://karenwoodall.wordpress.com/2014/03/09/going-underground-into-the-world-of-the-alienated-child/
Jane
www.bristolgrandparentssupportgroup.co.uk

Saturday, 8 March 2014

Alienated Grandparents Anonymous. AGA Inc.

Alienated Grandparents Anonymous   AGA, Inc.
Meeting Location:  Saint John the Evangelist Church    Library
625  111th Avenue North  Naples, FL  34108
AGA, Inc.  Mailing Address for Headquarters :    P O Box  112621  Naples, FL 34108
Our Latest  YouTubes:
An AGA Grandmother’s Success Story    http://youtu.be/-_oki2FozyU
Attorney Jim Karl’s    Member, AGA, Inc. Board of Directors
            Alienation Law Florida and Nationally   http://youtu.be/rqyj1db7mBs                                 
                                                                     
                         Thursday, March 20th  7:00 P.M.    John Killinger, Ph.D.
                                                                                                    SKYPE Presentation
Dr. Killinger  is  a  minister and  prolific writer who has authored over 60 books including From Poppy With Love… Letters  From a Grandfather to the  Grandchildren He Isn’t Allowed to See         Volumes  1 & 2
Anne Killinger authored  A Son Is A Son Till He Gets A Wife …How Toxic Daughters-in-Law Destroy Families,  knowing all too well the deep-seated anguish that literally invades and takes over one's life when you lose a son - not to illness or accident, but to his controlling wife. The Killingers had two sons, one of which was robbed from them in a brutal and cruel way, and is seemingly lost to them forever. This is about that story, and how it evolved.  It's a journey that leads to acceptance if not reunion, and a manual for others who inexplicably find themselves mired in such a situation.
                                       Anne Kathryn Killinger        A Tribute          from Amanda
The one woman who has impacted my life as an alienated grandparent in such a powerful way has recently passed from us.
When I read the title of her book, A Son is a Son Till He Gets a Wife...How Toxic Daughters-in Law Destroy Families, my perspective was instantly changed. At that very moment of discovery  I learned I was not the only person in the world experiencing the emotional devastating trauma of this journey to isolation.  It was at that very moment that I had hope.  Hope that I could find answers.
Anne answered my phone call, and as I tried to speak through the desperation of my tears and my sobbing, she offered me what no other could.  She truly understood.   She suffered as I did.  I did not have to validate myself with her.  Anne listened to my situation for 1 1/2 hours. There were many more times I needed to call her, and she was always there for me.  We became and remained dear friends.
I told Anne that I would never give up on my grandchildren, even if I could not fix this because I did not cause it.  I told her that I would create AGA so that my three grandchildren would know how hard I tried to give them back their Mimi who continues to love them every minute of every day.
Anne and her loving and devoted husband John of 65 years came to Naples, Florida AGA Headquarters where she presented to 150 grandparents. You could hear a pin drop in the room. Anne spoke of her journey to and through Grandparent Alienation.
Anne was my role model. Anne was the grandmother every grandchild should have in their lives.  Anne was a great storyteller, passing on her legacy in the most articulate manner. Her tone was always very gentle and caring. Her compassion always lent and ear, always there to listen to one's plight.
It has been my goal to be there for grandparents who need an Anne in their lives. It is my objective to reach out to grandparents, and tell them they are not suffering alone. It is my objective to empower each of you with the knowledge of the complex dynamics of Grandparent Alienation.
I can only hope to continue to contribute to the Grandparent Movement against Alienation,  and to pay tribute to what Anne Killinger started by bringing awareness to a previously silent and hidden epidemic.  
I miss you Anne. God Bless You, and may you rest in Peace. May God Bless John through this extremely difficult time.
Grandparents, you may send emails for John Killinger, Ph.D. to me, and I will see to it that he receives your compassionate words. 
Prayers and Love,
Amanda       March 1, 2014               
AGA, Inc.  Founder/President                                                
International Headquarters    41 states   8 countries

A Grandmothers Success Story.

http://youtu.be/-_oki2FozyU
AGA.


Friday, 7 March 2014

A safe pair of hands.

Those of you who know me will know that I am always very cautious when it comes to going to court to try and gain contact with your grandchildren.
I will still say, it is the very last resort.
When we did the item on The One Show at the end Esther met with a family lawyer, who gave sound advice.
Last week I had an email from him, asking if he could come and have a chat. I responded as you would expect, with caution! He replied saying he thought there may have been a misunderstanding and that he wasn't as it were 'looking for business.'
So on Monday afternoon he popped in for a cuppa.
What came across was his genuine concern for grandparents and a clear understanding of how they need to be supported.
Jane


Scotland's grandparents unite!

Having put out a plea last week for grandparents in Scotland there are now 3 grandparents who are meeting up next week, such good news.
This is BGSG really getting it right, grandparents joining together to give each other their special support.
Thank you so much.
Jane
www.bristolgrandparentssupportgroup.co.uk

Wednesday, 5 March 2014

Don't fudge your responsibilities Mr Cameron to the children of this country.

The usual response to my letter to Mr Cameron and Mr Clegg:

Dear Ms Jackson
Thank you for your email of 14 February, addressed to the Prime Minister, regarding the Children and Families Bill. Your email has been passed to this department as we are responsible for the policy on family law. On this occasion, I have been asked to reply.
I want to assure you that the government recognises that a father’s role in his child’s life is a very important one. The government strongly believes that children benefit from a continuing relationship with both parents following family separation, when it is appropriate and in the child’s best interests. It is for this reason that the government has included the parental involvement clause in the Children and Families Bill which is currently before Parliament. The clause makes clear the expectation that a child should have the opportunity to benefit from the involvement of each parent who can be involved safely, and whose involvement is consistent with the child’s welfare.

The legislative framework which governs family law cases is gender neutral and is focused on the welfare of children, not on the ‘rights’ of parents. However, the government recognises that there is a perception of bias in the courts. One of the aims of the parental involvement amendment in the Children and Families Bill is to address this perception and help restore public confidence in the system.

Once again, thank you for taking the time to write to us with your views.

Your correspondence has been allocated reference number 2014/0016170. If you need to respond to us, please visit: www.education.gov.uk/contactus, and quote your reference number.
As part of our commitment to improving the service we provide to our customers, we are interested in hearing your views and would welcome your comments via our website at: www.education.gov.uk/pcusurvey.
Yours sincerely

Tariq Khan
Ministerial and Public Communications Division
www.education.gov.uk

 

Monday, 3 March 2014

FNF Bristol Meeting.

FNF Bristol meeting tomorrow night:
Meeting tomorrow night -  Tuesday 4th March.

Start at 7.30pm.  Please be prompt - seems like there are quite a few needing advice as we start
the new year.

As usual, we will be at The Brunswick Club in Brunswick Square BS2 8NX.  Here's a link for directions.
All welcome, including partners.  We'll be on the first floor.

There is parking in the Square but if you park in the middle, charges apply.  They don't seem to apply
for parking on the road around the square.  

Finish around 9.30.  If we need to overrun, we can always chat in the bar.

Hope to see you tomorrow night

Best Wishes,

Paul
FnF Bristol

Falling down is part of life, getting back up is living.

I was sent this today, and it is everything I try to say!

Jane
www.bristolgrandparentssupportgroup.co.uk

Sunday, 2 March 2014

Dundee Shout Out!

Are you a grandparent in Dundee who would like to meet up with another grandparent who is going through the distress of being denied contact with your grandchildren, contact me if you be interested.
Jane
www.bristolgrandparentssupportgroup.co.uk

Grandfathers saying it like it is.

"Hello everyone.
Good to see so many of you using the forum/blog, and I include  a very warm welcome to grandfathers of this group.
It has always been a concern of Jane's and mine that very few grandfathers come out and talk about the pain and sorrow they feel at the constant feeling of loss due to not seeing their grandchildren, I know that no day goes by without thoughts of my lovely "Sweet Pea" surfacing and bringing back that pa
in, soI fully understand what you're going through, I also understand the need felt by men that they have to stand strong regardless of the inner turmoil that fills every day.
There is no weakness in admitting your deep love for those missing children and no cowardice in giving in to the sorrow their loss causes.

If by opening up we can ease that pain a little then so be it, join in.

Marc."

Jane
www.bristolgrandparentssupportgroup.co.uk

My mother betrayed me.

Recently I was talking to an adult child who had been alienated from her family by her mother for many years.
This lady is now in her 30's and is still scarred and bemused by why her mother lied to her.
She spent years listening to her mother telling her that the family were no good, that they didn't care about her that they never supported her mother financially, physically or emotionally.
It has only since her mother has died that she has made the decision to find out for herself, she now has a daughter of her own and wants her to get to know her family.
I knew her and her mother from afar while this was taking place and so I know the truth, which is somewhat different from the poison that was fed her.
Her mothers' family did everything to support and help her for years. The adult child's grandfather, for years bailed out her mother financially but it was never enough. Everything he and the rest of the family did was never enough, for some reason she believed the world owed her a living.
The sadness in the alienated adult child is palpable.
So many questions but very few answers.
There will be many days, months and years for the healing process for her and her daughter.
She will have to be shown by her family members who are still alive to show her that she was never forgotten and was always and still is loved.
Building bridges, brick by brick with fast setting cement to help give her the security of family bonds, that she craves, will have to take place slowly and sensitively.
For those who poison children in this way, need to understand that at some point the children will turn against them, that the memories they hold of late parents will be memories of betrayal.

Jane
www.bristolgrandparentssupportgroup.co.uk



Saturday, 1 March 2014

Follow us on Twitter.

You can follow BGSG on Twitter @JaneEjackson
Jane
www.bristolgrandparentssupportgroup.co.uk

Grandparents Unite.

I have successfully managed to link up grandparents who live near one another on several occasions.
If you would like to meet up with a grandparent in your area and share a coffee and give support to one another let me know.
Just meeting up with other people who understand without explanation is very helpful.
Jane
www.bristolgrandparentssupportgoup.co.uk
Here is the link to the closed FB group to request joining
https://www.facebook.com/groups/bristolgrandparentssupportgroup/

Jane