Welcome.


Hi everyone and welcome to Bristol Grandparents Support Group blog. Although we are Bristol based we have grandparents from all over the UK and beyond as members.

It is estimated that over one million children in the UK are denied contact with their grandparents due to family breakdown which may have been caused by divorce/separation, alcohol/drug dependency,domestic violence,bereavement or family feud.
Every child has the right to have contact with their grandparents
if they wish and unless proven unsafe for them to do so. To deny contact from a parent or grandparent has to become as socially unacceptable as drink driving.
I hope to keep you up to date with what is going on in BGSG and I shall continue to campaign for the rights of children to have a loving and meaningful relationship with both parents and their extended family. So please join in as good to hear your views, not just mine!
I also will support via Skype.
There is no membership fee to be part of Bristol Grandparents Support Group.
Esther Rantzen says, " To every grandparent, links of love can never be broken in our hearts."

Please contact during office hours.
07773258270


Wednesday, 30 April 2014

Grandchildren still love their grandparents.

Yet again the children are making changes in their lives and relationships.
Two grandparents have been 'getting to know' their grandchildren again via Facebook, their grandchildren out of the blue sent them friend requests and in both cases the children are in their teens and have said that they want to see them and the slow process of healing is beginning.
In another case, an estranged daughter contacted another family member to say that her children wanted to see their grandparents, my understanding is that the grandchildren had put quite a lot of pressure on the parent over it.
Those of us who have bought up teenagers will understand the sort of pressure that may have gone on!
A neutral place to meet was arranged and the grandchildren were dropped off, the grandparent told me, that it was as though they had only been together yesterday, where as in fact they had not been in contact for 4 years.
One of the children said, " I knew things would be just the same."
Another visit was arranged  and the children are now going for weekend visits.
There was a special request via a text message " Please can we have apple crumble, as granny's crumble is the best in the world!"

Funny how, it is not the first time I have heard about food requests!

To say the grandparents concerned are thrilled would be an understatement, but they also know that it can all change at the flip of a coin, the wrong word the wrong look and it could fall apart. The difference now is that the children are older and have made their voice heard.

Jane
www.bristolgrandparentssupportgroup.co.uk


Tuesday, 29 April 2014

Destructive criticism.

If you search the internet you can find literally hundreds if not thousands of self help, support groups, charities, therapy centres, forums, on the subject of denied contact, Parental Alienation, family breakdown all giving help and advice.
Or are they?
Since 2007 I have read, listened and spoken to many different people, all who are either experiencing or are trying to help those who are going through the devastation of being apart from a child or grandchild.
People look to these organisations for answers when they are at their lowest ebb.
Some people will find different organisations/groups helpful to them, what is absolutely not helpful is the way that the people who are in 'control' (horrible word) continually seem to take these organisations/groups to task.
They will do their best to undermine others, by discrediting them publicly. Criticising them ect.
To the people who are looking for help and support, they don't care about the internal make-up of these organisations/groups, they just want to have somewhere and someone to talk to, now this moment.
The whole issue of family breakdown and the needs of children is massive, it is a global problem.
This is the time when everyone should be coming together, working together being constructive not destructive.
Looking in from the outside, all that can be seen is people who are supposed to be there to help  constantly involved in almost play ground behaviour of in fighting.
Yet again a perfect example to me that being independent apparently is the only way to be.
The really sad thing about this is that, we all find ourselves in being denied contact of a child/grandchild because someone wanted to be in control, and actually these spats that occur are also about someone wanting to be in control.
Having said all of that, the people who make a real difference every single day are the volunteers who run local branches and support groups, they are there for people just when they need them most. Selfless people with nothing to gain but to be  safe in the knowledge that they have put a smile back on someones face they have given someone hope and they have given the most precious thing of all their time.
Thank you to you all.
Jane
www.bristolgrandparentssupportgroup.co.uk



Monday, 28 April 2014

Its what we do.

Today, something happened that has not happened before.
I went to answer the door and a lady said, " Do you run a support group for grandparents who don't see their grandchildren?"
I asked her if she would like to come in.
We had a long chat and she said that she had seen our Christmas Trees in the garden for the last few years and seen the poster in my window, but it had taken until today for her to ring the door bell.
I am so pleased she did, and hopefully she will be gain huge support from others at our meetings, that she has said she would like to attend.
I think it takes enormous courage to make that first step.
As she left she said, " I am so pleased you asked me in."
Of course I would, thats what I do!
Jane
www.bristolgrandparentssupportgroup.co.uk

No parent should make a child choose.

Interesting to read Molly's own thoughts on this and for me there are many very honest and telling words here but this says it all : 
 "I think that no parent should put their child in a situation where they have to choose between the parents," she says.
It also shows very clearly how the media deal with stories such as these.

http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2014/apr/27/molly-campbell-abduction-custody-battle-scotland-pakistan-muslim

Jane
www.bristolgrandparentssupportgroup.co.uk

Sunday, 27 April 2014

If we don't move forward where do we go?

I have always described not being able to be part of my granddaughters life as a 'living bereavement' and so it is.
When  someone close to us dies we all have that devastating knot in our stomachs that just envelopes us, a feeling of hopelessness, but the feeling does subside, and we begin the healing process the process of moving on.
I have written about 'moving on' previously.
Some people find that they can't move on, that the pain they feel is so deep that they are almost frozen in time.
I can only speak of my own experiences and I don't ever talk for others, so my posts are a personal view.
What I see is those grandparents who are so engulfed in sadness, anger and hate that they can't find any peace, peace within themselves.
If we continually look to blame, talk about 'good' and 'bad' members of our family, of course there will be no movement forward.
If I go back to the beginning of this post, after we have gone through the natural feelings of loss and emptiness we tend to remember all the good memories we have of the people who are no longer in our lives. The times we laughed together, the times we shared secrets with each other and the overwhelming privilege of knowing that particular person.
The process of moving on then begins.
I have to think the same way with my own 'living bereavement' I was part of my granddaughters life for 7 years, they were 7 wonderful years, full of fun and how lucky was I to have those precious years. I think about her ever day and every day she makes me smile. The sunshine of her smile.
Life can be very short, none of us know what is around the corner, we need to make a difference in anyway we can, a kind word a smile, not fill our days with negativity.
What is the alternative?
Everyday full of pain and hurt, becoming so absorbed by our grief we are barely functioning. Other family members are suffering too and need our support, they don't want to see us so low all the time, it causes them concern for our welfare.
Friends who of course are sympathetic soon find it hard to know what to say and how to act around us.
Our hearts may well be broken at this present time but our souls are not.
Whatever happened to cause this is in the past, we owe it to ourselves and our families to look to the future and start to heal.
Of course I also have bad days, but I have far more great days.
I hope you are having one of those great days.

Jane
www.bristolgrandparentssupportgroup.co.uk

Friday, 25 April 2014

A promise to children.


I promise that I will not in any way put my children in the middle of any dispute I may have with their mother/father,and that I will put my children’s best interest above everything else.
I will not make disparaging comments to them about their mother/father, use my children as pawns or leverage, or try to turn my children against their mother/father, no matter how angry I may be. 
I will focus on enjoying and making the most out of the time I have with my children, and will encourage my children to have a good relationship with their mother/father. 
I will keep in mind that my children are innocent bystanders in this process, and it is up to both of us to protect them.
I will remember that my overall goal is to raise happy, well adjusted children who have a healthy relationship with both parents.

Author unknown.


Jane


Parental Alienation Awareness Day, not just a day.

Today is a day for raising awareness of PA, but of course it is not just one day.
Parental Alienation is affecting millions of children here in the UK and across the world, not just today but everyday of their young lives.
Days where children are being denied a loving and caring relationship with both parents and their extended family.
Day after day, of wondering.
Wondering why the adults in their lives have to be so hurtful to each other, have to bad mouth each other and adults who constantly tell them Dad/Mum/Granny and Grandpa just don't care about them anymore.
I know that all the parents and grandparents who I speak to are screaming out their love for the children, just praying that one day the children will hear.
Recently, I have spoken to several grandparents whose grandchildren have heard and are shouting out loud themselves children doing it for themselves.
Parents must put the children first, they may not get on with their partners anymore but they must have loved each other once to have created their children in the first place.
Remember how it was that moment the children entered the world, full of expectation of a life of being loved by the adults around them.
They deserve better, they deserve to be allowed to be children not a weapon to be used to hurt.
Being a parent is a life long responsibiity.

Jane
www.bristolgradparentssupportgroup.co.uk

Tuesday, 22 April 2014

100 days of happiness.

Ok so I have pinched  this idea from the wonderful world of social media, where people are being asked to photograph one thing a day that makes them happy and brings them joy.
So, I propose that you either take a picture or write just one thing a day that has made you happy.
It is so easy when we are caught up in our own despair to not notice the great things about life.
You can either write them in the comments section under this post, or on the FB page.
So what has made you happy today?

Jane
www.bristolgrandparentssupportgroup.co.uk

Day One:
Watching the Gold Finches feeding their babies on our bird feeder.

Look at the whole picture.

Sometimes things are worth repeating and this is one of them.
In a previous post I wrote about what happens when children make their voices heard. Over recent months there has been some amazing stories of children making their own choices, which is brilliant and I love that part of running the group.
One day you are talking to a distraught grandparent who is going through turmoil and doesn't know how to improve their situation, the next day you are speaking to the same person who is now clearly floating on air.
What is evident in these cases is that when the children start to ask questions and say they want to see their grandparents it is often at the expense of their relationship with their resident parent.
Children discover that the adults in their lives have lied to them, how would you respond if it happened to you?
Of course the overwhelming feelings of having your precious grandchildren back in your life is immeasurable, but we need to take time to consider the whole.
Nobody wants to deny anyone in the children's lives a loving and caring relationship.
I know how children can become very single minded and put pressure on the adults in their lives, but it is so important that they understand that all of their family members love them, and that adults sometimes make the wrong choices for them but we are all willing to listen and to try better.
Never be afraid to admit you made mistakes, not one of us is perfect.
Always be prepared to say sorry.
The ultimate goal is that all family members are part of the children's lives.
If we are unable to respect one another there is a danger of children walking away from a parent.

Jane
www.bristolgrandparentssupportgroup.co.uk



Monday, 21 April 2014

What's in a word?

The internet is an amazing place, if you have a question you only have to grab the lap top type a word into a search engine and the answers are there, in an instant.
We all know that when we find ourselves being denied contact that we do just that, looking for answers, advice and explanations.
Although it is of course a helpful resource it can also be a bewildering place.
There are a plethora of very learned people with lots of initials after their names, with degrees as long as your arm and are 'experts' in their field.
The problem is that all too often reading reports, articles and statistics can only be fully understood by those who wrote them.
I am not suggesting that we are incapable of understanding, it is that most of these reports are full of jargon and totally incomprehensible babble.
Obviously, this is my personal opinion.
As indeed are the reports ect, someones personal opinion.
Ok, so they may have years of 'experience' studied at length the various behaviours behind withdrawing contact of a child but…..
Does it help us?
Yes, I have no doubt that some people do find them helpful, but not for me.
The fact that a family member has withdrawn contact because they have some form of personality disorder, almost goes without saying, as most normal people don't behave that way.
As I have written before, we do need to look to ourselves, we may well have said or done something we regret and once we do that then we can try to look forward, allow the past to stay in the past.
There have been many families recently who have begun the slow process of looking forward, and I rejoice with them all.
It is not the words that are used to describe being separated it is the actions that are important, if precious time is spent wondering whether it is one form or another we tie ourselves up into knots, and once again heading down this report, that report to see where our individual stories fit.
I my lowly opinion there is no 'one size fits all' and to much analysis is not helpful when talking to distressed and desperate grandparents.
Jane
www.bristolgrandparentssupportgroup.co.uk


Saturday, 19 April 2014

Reflection, Forgiveness and New Beginnings.

Whether you follow a faith or not Easter is a time for reflection, forgiveness and new beginnings.

Reflection: Sometimes we have to look at ourselves and to think about how we can make a difference, we all start our lives in exactly the same way, it is the things that happen to us from then on that make us the people we become.
We all know that life throws its highs and lows at us constantly, one minute life is great the next tragedy  happens. It is how we react to it all that defines us.
One minute we are part of a family, children/grandparents/aunts/uncles and cousins, then something happens that turns our world on its head. Adults make a conscious decision to put others through their own personal hell, withdrawing contact with children/grandchildren.
I know that lots of parents read my blogs and I would ask you to look to yourselves, the consequence of your actions has and is causing  some ex's and grandparents to end their lives. Do you really want that on your conscience for the rest of your lives,  how will you explain that to the children/grandchildren?
Believe me I do not exaggerate.
Of course every case is individual, learn to put the needs of the children/grandchildren first, you may well hate your ex partner and their family, but the children still love them all.

Forgiveness: Now this is a really hard one. Who said it was ever going to be easy. If someone has hurt you beyond words physically/mentally how do we forgive?
Perhaps we again need to look into ourselves, have we done stuff that we are really sorry about? I know I have. It is never too late to say sorry.
We have to learn to agree to disagree sometimes, I have often said that I am sorry to my DIL, for anything I may have done to have caused her hatred of me. Once again I am saying sorry.
Forgiveness is letting go of all the negatives, not condoning it.

New Beginnings: If we can work our way through the first two, we are in a position to look to the future. Easter sees new life everywhere we look. Young innocent lives, just starting on a journey, a journey where Dads and Mums nurture their little ones and prepare them for the wonders of life. Tiny chicks are calling to their elders for protection, little lambs are gambling about the green fields soaking up the sun and what about us?
We have a responsibility to make changes, to stop using children as weapons, to get back to the real reason we are here.
To be the parents/grandparents our children deserve to start behaving like responsible adults and putting the children/grandchildren first.

Happy Easter.
Jane
www.bristolgrandparentssupportgroup.co.uk



Wednesday, 16 April 2014

Just an ordinary guy, a loving Dad.

Since setting up BGSG I have talked to, met and been to places that I would never have done, except for one common denominator estrangement from children/grandchildren.
For anyone who is reading this blog and who is fortunate enough not to fully understand the pain and heartbreak this issue causes, here is a question for you.
How would you feel and react if you suddenly were told you were never going to see or speak to your children/grandchildren ever again?
Just please give that some thought.
To never be able to tuck your little ones up in bed at night, to feel the soft skin of their faces, to read them stories or to hear them say, "I love you."
Yes, that is the reality, the living bereavement of family breakdown.
Don't ever be complacent about your relationships, it can and does happen to anyone.
We also know that there are many organisations all over the UK, trying in their own ways to bring this catastrophe into the public eye.
It is true to say that some groups are very active and have done things in the past that has not enjoyed good public opinion, the public now have a stereotypical view of what parents do if they can't see their children.
It is not for me to say they are wrong or right, every individual must do what is right for them at that particular moment in time.
What I can say, is that I totally understand, the anger, the frustration, the inequality the fact that the Family Justice System has a lot to answer for.
This is not something that only affects a small number of families, it is mammoth. Thousands if not millions of children are growing up without the love and care of both parents, because adult conflict has become so bitter the children are used as the ultimate weapon.
I said at the beginning of this about the fact of meeting people who are travelling down a similar path, one of those I spoke to last night for the first time.
His name is Tim Haries, you may have heard of him.
Tim is the Dad who wrote "help" on a portrait of the Queen, he was found guilty of criminal damage and imprisoned for 6 months.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2552223/Fathers4Justice-campaigner-defaced-Queen-portrait-hanging-Westminster-Abbey-purple-spray-paint-jailed-six-months.html
Which takes us back to the stereotypical view of parents who want justice for their children.
Who is this man who defaces a portrait of the Queen?
I have followed Tim's story and the extraordinary support he has received, not only from family and friends but from complete strangers and the overwhelming sense of unity, everyone speaking with one voice.
So I was delighted when Tim called last night, and to speak to a man who loves his children more than life itself. Just an ordinary guy doing extraordinary things.
Not doing anything for himself, but doing everything for his children and the thousands/millions of children out there who are wanting to be heard.
So the next time you hear or read about an estranged parent doing something that you may well feel uncomfortable about just give it the credibility it deserves. Look at the true story behind it, above all else think about the children.
Jane
www.bristolgrandparentssupportgroup.co.uk

Tuesday, 15 April 2014

Any Grandads willing to speak to the media?

Are you a grandad who has been estranged from your son or daughter and as a consequence estranged from your grandchildren, would you be willing to talk to the media, anonymously? Please contact me ASAP.
Jane
www.bristolgrandparentssupportgroup.co.uk

Monday, 14 April 2014

THE best place for grandparents.

I don't often blow my own trumpet, but this comment was written on a FB forum discussing how things need to change ect, and I was very humbled by this,    

  "Jane's brilliant group is now THE place to go for grandparents."

Thank you Nick Langford.

Jane
www.bristolgrandparentssupportgroup.co.uk

Don't apologise for raising funds.

An interesting and thought provoking article on fund raising.
http://www.fundraising.co.uk/2014/04/11/really-proud-fundraiser-new-manifesto-fundraising/
Jane
www.bristolgrandparentssupportgroup.co.uk

Saturday, 12 April 2014

Targeting 100 local businesses for help.

Bristol Grandparents Support Group is working towards a target of £5 thousand pounds, to enable us to gain charitable status, you have to have the £5k in the groups account before even applying, so no mean task. We intend to target 100 local businesses asking for a £50 donation each, if you know of anyone who would like to donate let me know. Our intention is to be an umbrella group to give help and support to grandparents who are denied contact from they grandchildren due to family breakdown. We will support grandparents who want to set up local groups and promote Grandparents Support UK at community events. Feel free to share this post! Many thanks.

Jane

www.bristolgrandparentssupportgroup.co.uk

Thursday, 10 April 2014

Local groups are a Life Line.

I would like to thank everyone who has so generously given BGSG donations, it is quite amazing.
The group was set up in 2007, and it has just grown out of all proportion, I wish I could say it hadn't, that there is no need for support groups such as ours, but we all know that is not the case.
As long as there is adult conflict affecting children there will always be a need.
There are a great many organisations all over the UK, and beyond who are giving wonderful support to those who need it, and it is at local level that it is so effective.
When someone is in trouble, they need help, somewhere close to home, another human being they can confide in, not an answer phone, or a call that keeps you hanging on for 30mins, or a call back system that takes a week to respond.
I salute all of the local volunteers who give of their time freely and with commitment, without them many organisations would simply no longer exist.
I don't think that the general public have any idea how important these groups are, they are in many cases a life line to someone.
What does annoy me is, why it is so very difficult to become a registered charity, so many documents, forms let alone the £5thousand to apply, it is such a shame and I am sure many, many people get put off, we should be encouraging it not making stumbling blocks all along the way.
A grandparent said to me recently, " I just know when it is time for another meeting, a need to come and unload all this pain, I don't need to put the dates in my diary I just feel it is time."

Jane
www.bristolgrandparentssupportgroup.co.uk

Monday, 7 April 2014

Cambridge Shoutout.

Anyone in the Cambridge area who could give some support?
Jane
www.bristolgrandparentssupportgroup.co.uk

Could you be the grandparent a family is seeking?

Leading on from a previous post, when I wrote about some grandparents who do not want to have anything to do with their grandchildren.
I know for those of us who would give anything to be part of our grandchildrens' lives this seems unbelievable, but it happens a lot.
I have in the past been approached about 'proxy' grandparents, there of course obvious issues with this. The most important thing to think about is how do you safe guard the children?
Anyone who is thinking about putting themselves forward, must be CRB checked, as a parent always insist that you see the CRB.
Another way could be that parents/children and grandparents link up by letter writing, a bit like the 'pen friends' we used to have.
It is always great to receive a hand written letter, rather than the usual post that goes straight from letterbox to the recycling box!
If you are a parent who would be interested get in touch.
Home Start is another way where a relationship can grow, one of our grandparents was invited last week to a Mothers and Grandmothers lunch at the primary school attended by the little boy of the family she has befriended. He insisted that she was invited!
Jane
www.bristolgrandparentssupportgroup.co.uk

Sunday, 6 April 2014

Next week is 7 years exactly since I saw my granddaughter.

Next week it will be 7 years since I last had any contact with my granddaughter.
She will be now no longer  be a little girl of 7yrs but becoming a young women. These milestones always seem to me a time to reflect.
I remember the good times we had together, playing in the park, planting sunflowers, gluing, painting and generally making a mess.
Why is it that little people like washing up? Hours spent at the sink standing on a chair, putting plates in ,taking plates out, over and over again.
I can not help but smile as I recall those precious times, neither of us knew that Easter time in 2007 whilst hunting for Easter eggs around the garden,  would be the last time we would  share the laughter and fun.
I often wonder, had I known what was going to happen would I have done anything different?
I do know that I would have held her hand a little tighter, would have had just another hug and I would have told her I loved her, just once more.
I hate the thought of her, thinking that her family here in Bristol, apparently suddenly stopped loving her, stopped caring about her when the truth is so different.
All of my family, miss her beyond words and would give anything to see her again for her to be allowed to be part of our lives again.
Most of all her Dad, who has been denied the opportunity of a relationship with his daughter for 7 years.
We hope and pray that one day soon she will find us, still here, still just as we were,  a Dad, a step mum, a grandpa, a gran, an uncle, and aunts and cousins who so desperately want to see that smile again.
Jane
www.bristolgrandparentssupportgroup.co.uk


Stourbridge and Dublin Shout out.

I have grandparents in  Stourbridge and Dublin who would like to link up, contact me if you are in either of those areas.
Jane

Parenting Plan not worth the paper its written on.


Yet another 'tool' for separating couples, developed by CAFCASS- The Children and Family Court Advisory Support Service It is an interactive 'tool' around a Parenting Plan, interesting to read that 'a Parenting Plan is not legally binding' well then it is not worth the paper its written on.
http://www.splittingup-putkidsfirst.org.uk/home

Jane
www.bristolgrandparentssupportgroup.co.uk

Saturday, 5 April 2014

Children keep shouting out loud, we are listening.

Since 2007 I have listened to well over a thousand grandparents, I live through their heartbreak, hurt and pain. I have listened to litres of tears shed and held many hands in so many very dark moments.
I despair at the hurt other family members inflict on one another, in some cases for years for a variety of reason parents and grandparent face pure hell of not being able to see their beloved children and grandchildren.
In the middle of all this chaos, are the innocent victims, the children.
When we have children we have a life long responsibility to them, to look after them, to support them through the ups and downs of life. We do not have a right over them, children are the world of the future. If they are embroiled in the disgraceful way some adults around them behave they have been emotionally abused and it is the adults in their lives that have let them down and betrayed their trust.
As a Mum and Grandmother I am truly ashamed of the parents who use children in this vicious way.
Out of darkness there is always light.
Today is one of those beautifully, bright days.
Grandchildren are shouting out loud and their voices are being listened to.
Just a few hours spent at their request with grandparents they love, grandparents who have never, ever stopped loving them, grandparents who have never stopped waiting.
I personally can not put into words how it feels to walk alongside grandparents when they are so low, so unhappy, to then, witness their utter elation when their grandchildren walk back through their door, as though they have never been away.
It is tears of sheer joy that are flowing today.
Bless everyone.
Jane
www.bristolgrandparentssupportgroup.co.uk



Yasmin Alibhai-Brown One to One Interview.

Here is link to interview I did some time ago with Yasmin Alibhai-Brown
One to One: Yasmin Alibhai-Brown with Anon 
Jane
www.bristolgrandparentssupportgroup.co.uk

"Reforms don't do the Children and Families Act Justice."----- We know that.

Why, Oh why didn't the legal  profession say this when The Children and Families Bill was up for consultation.
They need to look to their own profession, you have let the children down so, so badly.
https://bdaily.co.uk/opinion/04-04-2014/watered-down-reforms-dont-do-the-children-and-families-act-justice/
Jane
www.bristolgrandparentssupportgroup.co.uk

Badges- details if you would like one.

If you would like one of our 'Grandchildren need grandparents too' badges they cost £1:50 each plus post and packing.
Send me your address and you can do an electronic transfer of cheques payable to Bristol Grandparents Support Group.
Jane
www.bristolgrandparentssupportgroup.co.uk

Friday, 4 April 2014

Grandchildren need Grandparents too,badges.

Cool badges arrived today, many thanks to Paul Jackson for design and all the work you do for BGSG.
http://www.hellomynameispaul.co.uk
Jane
www.bristolgrandparentssupportgroup.co.uk
All rights reserved.

Waitrose thank you.

Many thanks to Waitrose Westbury Park for entering us as one of their  charities in Community Matters, we have been award £450, thank you to all Waitrose customers who popped their green tokens in the box.
Jane
www.bristolgrandparentssupportgroup.co.uk

Thursday, 3 April 2014

We need to look to ourselves.

I think it is a time to regroup and to rethink and to face the truth.
For those who thought that the Family Justice Reforms were going to put things right, will have been bitterly disappointed to say the very least.
Even recent reports that appeared to be a good thing are apparently not, according to some.
So the honest truth is that, the whole issue of family breakdown, denied contact and alienation is a problem that can not actually be legislated for, it is adult conflict which is irrational, the law is rational and the two can't meet.
Mediation is a problem as well, because it is necessary for two parties to talk and that is the issue they often refuse to do so.
Ok, so thats all negative so we as individuals have to think in a different way.
I know from running the group that there are many thousands of parents and grandparents who are all experiencing this pain, so we need to tap into that resource.
We know that at local and branch level, many groups and organisations are doing a great job at the coal face, giving support and advice and just being there for one another.
It may not seem much to some, but actually it is priceless and can be a life saver.
It is no good to look to government or any other body to change this, the only chance was legislation for Shared Parenting, we now know that it is not going to happen, so it is down to us.
Those of us running groups ect, need to keep doing what we are doing acting with empathy and honesty, not to be judgemental to make a difference in our own ways.
Jane
www.bristolgrandparentssupportgroup.co.uk


Wednesday, 2 April 2014

Northampton assistance required.

Your help is required.
Is there someone who is in Northampton who could assist in running branch meetings for an organisation who supports predominately parents with contact issues but also grandparents.
Maybe there is a family member who would like to be pro-active?
Please contact me.
jane@bristolgrandparentssupportgroup.co.uk

BGSG Blog reaches 50,000 visits.

The blog has today reached an astonishing milestone, it has received 50,000 visits.
On one hand it is so sad that we even have to write a blog about being denied contact, but on the other it is a reality and as those who know me, will know that I want to turn a negative into a positive.
The positives for me are the people I have met and become good friends with, the grandparents and parents who the group have given support and empathy to, opportunities that have occurred as a result of running the group are beyond measure.
A group like ours shows the very best in people.
I think everyone would agree with me that to be able to share our heartbreak and pain does help, to know that we are not alone and isolated in our grief and that there is always someone at the end of the phone, email Skype who will listen, who will understand and will want no explanation.
There are no answers to family breakdown issues, as we have seen lately the law can't help us so its down to individuals to make a difference to  go on doing what they do, so from me a huge thank you for following BGSG here, on Twitter, FB and personally.
Jane
www.bristolgrandparentssupportgroup.co.uk

Is the proposed Cinderella Law a threat to families?

For the last 7 years I have heard all groups involved with Parental Alienation that the emotional damage caused children, had to be recognised.
So when I read the report from Action for Children, I thought apparently stupidly that it was going to help and safeguard children.
That lasted about 10 minutes, before I was shot down in flames from  'learned' people that it was a disaster, that it was getting close to state control, ect.
I quote from an article in Daily Mail,

 "We have reached a tipping point. If this extraordinarily dangerous piece of legislation is passed, all parents in Britain effectively become suspects in the eyes of the authorities looking out for those deemed not to love their children enough.For decades I have been battling to stop social workers who want to remove children from loving mothers. This 'Cin-derella Law', I believe, increases the threat, and I am extremely alarmed by this creeping, insidious intrusion of the state into the lives of ordinary families.
Why is the Nanny State seeking to take over the role of parents? It helps no one, least of all the children. For placing abused children 'in care' is, I believe, simply another form of neglect."


Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/debate/article-2593835/Why-law-against-emotional-cruelty-turn-parent-suspect.html#ixzz2xhw2iF2b
Follow us: @MailOnline on Twitter | DailyMail on Facebook

The author , Erin Pizzey, of this article is a very experienced, highly thought of supporter of families, so I have to believe she is right.
I now no longer, know where we go in safeguarding our lost children/grandchildren from emotional despair.
No doubt someone will enlighten me.

Jane