Saturday, 22 January 2011
Why does Parental Alienation Happen?
Whenever possible the parent will tell the child negative things about the other parent and so the child learns that one parent seems to be ‘bad.’
Sometimes the child will behave particularly badly with the ‘rejected’ parent and they can appear ungrateful and they will join in the negative talk about the ‘bad’ parent, they feel they must be loyal to the ‘good’ parent.
The child will often use totally inappropriate language when talking about their parent, language that they have maybe overheard or have been taught.
The ‘good’ parent will possibly restrict contact with the other parent and grandparents, they may prevent the child from learning about the other parents interests and the things they like to do,and discourage any good thoughts or happy memories that the child might have.
They will break down any respect the child will have for that parent and undermine them.
The ‘good’ parent will make the child feel that if they spend time with the other parent they will be hurt and lonely.
They might suggest that the child no longer calls the ‘bad’ parent Mum or Dad but refers to them by their first name, and to call any new partner Mum or Dad.
Some parents are so angry and enveloped by their own unhappiness they can’t see that it is essential that the child needs and deserves the love of both parents and grandparents.
They feel the need to control.
For the parent/grandparent who is losing or who has lost contact the feeling of hopelessness is enormous. Some say it is like a living bereavement. As a grandparent we can feel ashamed , you think that you should be able to make it right but you can’t.
Children learn very quickly, ‘which side their bread is buttered’ and they have to live out their lives in their own way, if that means taking sides ,then they will.
As we all know it is so much easier if we just agree rather than question!