Hi everyone and welcome to Bristol Grandparents Support Group blog. Although we are Bristol based we have grandparents from all over the UK and beyond as members.

It is estimated that over one million children in the UK are denied contact with their grandparents due to family breakdown which may have been caused by divorce/separation, alcohol/drug dependency,domestic violence,bereavement or family feud.
Every child has the right to have contact with their grandparents
if they wish and unless proven unsafe for them to do so. To deny contact from a parent or grandparent has to become as socially unacceptable as drink driving.
I hope to keep you up to date with what is going on in BGSG and I shall continue to campaign for the rights of children to have a loving and meaningful relationship with both parents and their extended family. So please join in as good to hear your views, not just mine!
I also will support via Skype.
There is no membership fee to be part of Bristol Grandparents Support Group.
Esther Rantzen says, " To every grandparent, links of love can never be broken in our hearts."

Please contact during office hours.

Tuesday 31 December 2013

A secure page for you.

I have set up a page on Facebook, which is a 'secret' group, in other words you can only find it if you are a member and have been invited to join.
It is a place where you can chat to one another.

Sunday 29 December 2013

What actually is Parental Alienation?

This is the definition, but we all know that alienation comes in many guises.

-Parental alienation is a social dynamic, generally occurring due to separation/divorce , when a child expresses unjustified hatred or unreasonably strong dislike of one parent, making access by the rejected parent difficult or impossible.

Alienation is not an emotion that a child naturally has, it is an emotion that they are taught.
They are taught it by usually a parent, but not always, who wants to imprint their bitterness,hatred,anger etc on a child. 

I have said that my focus in 2014 is to try and raise awareness of Parental Alienation, it is vital that the public become aware of this repugnant  behaviour.
The enormous damage that is caused ruins thousands of lives, children, parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles cousins entire families are ripped apart by one persons need for some sort of control over another.
There are some High Court judges that are just beginning to realise that PA needs to be recognised for what it is, child abuse and the law has to act.
PA and denying contact , as I have continually said, must be as socially unacceptable as drink driving.
To enable this to happen, people need to come forward, willing to tell their own story.
All too often, quite understandably, people won't go public for fear of making this dreadful situation worse, for me the situation can't be any worse so I have nothing to lose.
I am in the process of collating case studies from those affected and who are happy for the information to be shared, to enable this to move forward.
As always I never divulge names, locations etc.
Please get in contact if you are willing to share your story.
Here is a useful link: http://www.breakthroughparenting.com/PAS.htm

Let the past go.

The past has been and gone,
Reliving it stops you from living your life,
Today is a new day, to treasure and enjoy,
We are here now and in this moment,
Don't get caught up in anger, bitterness and hurt,
Spending time in deep, dark places, achieves nothing.
Whoever has caused  your distress, is not touched by it,
Only you get consumed by it.
If we continue day after day, reliving our pain,
It is us who are eaten away by it,
For those we love, we must embrace what we have,
Don't strive for perfection, there is no such thing,
Don't fight for revenge, it will destroy you.
Memories are yours, just yours alone,
No-one can ever touch those or take them away,
Hang on to them, take them with you wherever you go,
What is in your heart is all that matters,
Live every day to the full, for we know not what tomorrow brings.


Tuesday 24 December 2013

Another High Court Judge.

This is a great article for Christmas Eve


A day to remember this Christmas.

A day spent at Bristol Zoo, the last time we saw our granddaughter she was 7years old, she is now 13 years old.
Today I am thinking of all non resident parents and grandparents who will not be gathering around the Christmas Tree again this year.
To all of the children who find themselves in the middle of this muddle, please remember you are not forgotten, you are held in all of our hearts, not just at Christmas but every single day.

Sunday 22 December 2013

Newsletter from Canadian Grandparents Rights.

I have highlighted a particularly interesting sentence,
Happy Christmas to CGRA's.

HELLO, EVERYONE: Merry Christmas, happy holidays, and the best of the season to all! May this holiday season bring peace and happiness to each of you and your families.
Christmas and the holidays seems the ideal time to reinforce CGRA’s mission and purpose, which is: ‘to promote, support, and assist grandparents and their families in maintaining or reestablishing family ties and family stability, where the family has been disrupted, especially those ties between grandchildren and grandparents.’
This has never been more important than in today’s world, where the present popular culture seems intent on destroying what we think of as family values.
Dr. Jim Taylor is the author of 12 books on parenting and a specialist in
the psychology of business, parenting, and sport (and a consultant for
major and Olympic sports teams). In his book,
Your Children are Under
, Dr. Taylor tells us that popular culture takes the most despicable values—‘deceit, intolerance, avarice, gluttony, selfishness, etc.— and
makes them admirable. Children are bombarded with sexually explicit
music, violent movies, video games, shock radio, internet chat rooms, and reality TV.
Honesty, respect, responsibility, accountability, and compassion were instilled in us by our parents—but many of today’s children are influenced by parents who may not share these values.
The CGRA is part of the battle to help children who may be the victims. If lies, deceit, and control are typical at home, children are often alienated from family members and lack awareness of traditions and family beliefs/values. Visit our website and download CGRA’s Handbook The Child’s Right to Love for more information or what to do when this affects you.
When parental, extended family, and grandparent alienation occurs, unsuspecting spouses/partners and grandparents are victimized as well as the children, and often denied contact. Grandparents treated in this way are defined as being subject to elder abuse. However, response and concern for today’s children is provided by those who support the well-being of the family. Grandparents Raising Grandchildren (GRG) works hard to improve the lives of grandchildren, with good results. As Parental Alienation Syndrome gains more media space, elected officials are becoming aware and involved. We now have a Parental Alienation Awareness Day. The i2i Intergenerational Society brings the two most vulnerable groups together to help our seniors and our children to work together and enjoy each other. We also have an Intergenerational Day with 96 Canadian cities onside. So, we are making progress, with more strong groups joining in to make positive changes.
Warmest regards to you all for the season and for 2014, Daphne Jennings, CGRA

  • Parental Alienation Awareness Day on April 25th is now marked annually in many corners of the globe— and progress is being made on various fronts.
  • The first World Elder Abuse Awareness Day (WEAAD) was on June 15, 2012.
  • Intergenerational Day is also in June and next year it’s on June 1, 2014
    Note for BC residents: Dr. Kathleen Reay of Penticton offers a Family Reflections Reunification Program and online webinars to assist victims of Parental Alienation Syndrome.
Since 1986, the Canadian Grandparents Rights Association has been helping Canadian families in distress after a divorce or death in the family.
QUESTIONS ? grandchildrensrights@gmail.com
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Produced by www.kathleendavies.ca


This morning I sent out an email to some grandparents whom have contacted me this year and before, just to wish them well and to remind them I was around if they wanted someone to speak to.
I have just had a reply saying that I was insensitive in sending it, if you have received an email from me, I apologise it was meant with the best intention.


Hope is a reality.

I have just heard this morning from a grandparent who had lost contact with their grandchild to say they are now enjoying a wonderful relationship.
So at this difficult time of the year, hang in there, that door is still ajar.

Nelson Mandela's words of wisdom.

Nelson Mandela left us with many quotes but I think for me this is so poignant for us all.

“People must learn to hate, and if they can learn to hate, they can be taught to love, for love comes more naturally to the human heart than its opposite... Man's goodness is a flame that can be hidden but never explained.”

We find ourselves in this bewildering situation where another human being apparently hates us enough to inflict such pain as is unimaginable, there is no hate a a new born baby it is an emotion that is indeed learnt.



Tuesday 17 December 2013

2014 Focus on Parental Alienation.

My target next year is to raise awareness of PA, it is time for the media to start telling the true story of alienation.
Alienation is child abuse, it damages children for the rest of their lives, they wrongly believe that either one parent or grandparents are bad people, that they aren't loved by their families.
 It needs to be approached from the children's point of view.
If you have cases that you are prepared to share with me, no names will ever be disclosed, then please contact me.


Sunday 15 December 2013

Blog reaches 40,001 hits!!!!!!!!

When I started writing this blog I had no idea at all if anyone would ever read it, but today we have reached over 40,000 hits which is absolutely extraordinary.
Thank you to all who have visited this blog.

Review of 2013..

The end of 2013 is drawing ever closer and I have been looking back over the year and the events surrounding Bristol Grandparents Support Group.
Here is just some of the things I have been up to and things that are still ongoing.

:Interview with Bristol Community Radio.
:Legal Aid cut more LIP
:Consultation with regards CAFCASS
:Schools guidance on PA awareness.
:The importance of grandparents articles.
:Asked for support in Portland Dorset.
:FJ Board publish action plan.
:Interview on Radio Birmingham.
:Radio Leeds.
:Ist reading of The Children and Families Bill.
:E-petition to stop secrecy in family courts.
 :Further consultation on the Family Justice bill
:Blog reaches 26,000 hits.
:2nd reading of Family Justice Bill
:Charities have funding stopped, including FNF.
:Highlighted PA day April 25th
:Submission accepted by the Children and Families Committee.
:Canadian Grandparents Rights contact.
:FB page for group, closed group.
:US group contact.
:Leading Women for Shared Parenting contact.
:Blog reaches 30,000 hits.
:MP’s decide not to legislate for Shared Parenting.
:Interview with BBC.
:Skype Interview with Solia Sindlyo
:Interview with John Darvall BBC.
:Letter in The Guardian.
:Groups wanting to set up in Plymouth, Cornwall , London and Manchester
:Article for Mature Times.
: Applied for funding from Quartet Community Foundation.
Tree of hope in Texas and Sidney Australia.
Message for tree from Esther Rantzen
Introduced support via Skype.
: At this time of writing the Children and Families Bill has reached the House of Lords.


Friday 13 December 2013

2013 Christmas Tree.

2013 Tree of Hope.

Who are you, you are someone who has the power within to create a heaven on earth for yourself and to radiate a piece of that heaven out to everyone whose life touches you.

Together we stand.

Thank you so much to everyone who came to the meeting this afternoon, it was lovely to see you all.
The Tree of Hope is now covered in messages and looks amazing, such thoughtful and meaningful words written by you all.
One day I will make a book of them!
I keep all the messages and now have hundreds in a special box, 5 years worth to be exact.
The house today was also full of genuine care and understanding, human beings at their very best, all brought together because something has gone badly wrong within their families, keeping people apart from the children/grandchildren they love.
This is not a place for who is right or who is wrong, just a place for us to be together and to share.
There was a great deal of laughter, as there always is, and I would like to thank each and every one of you for your friendship,which Marc and I value greatly.
Speaking personally, although I have met all of you marvellous people because of being denied contact with my granddaughter, you have all made my life so much richer just because you are you.
None of us know what the future holds, but I do know that we will all stand shoulder to shoulder for the sake of our families.
Bless you all.

Oh yes, just a small apology for my numerous spelling and grammatical errors that I do on a very regular basis, my only excuse is I type to fast and type from my heart not my head!!!!!!! Thanks MP.xxx

Thursday 12 December 2013

Alienated Grandparents Anonymous Florida. Newsletter.

AGA      Alienated Grandparents Anonymous, Inc.  International Headquarters
                            40 States   8 countries
Support Group Meetings: Saint John the Evangelist Catholic  Church  Library   
625  111th Avenue North   Naples, FL 34108       All Welcome   No Admission Fees

*The following speakers will also be featured
on our website  www.AFA-FL.org    Site Page:  U Tubes

December 19th   7:00 P.M.  Library   Featured Speaker:   Vickijo Letchworth     
Elder Abuse Response Advocate,  Facilitates support groups for seniors who are victims of Elder Abuse,  Certified Elder Abuse Instructor with the Federal Law Enforcement Training Center,  Certified Trainer Florida Coalition Against Domestic Violence, Collier County Leadership Council on Aging, Collier County Residential Shelter Advocate,  Avid Researcher on Elder Abuse, National Speaker on Elder Abuse                  
January 16 th   2014       7:00 P.M.      Library
Featured Guest Speaker :   Elizabeth Vagnoni, Author   Featured in  AARP
Topic:  Family Estrangement in Later Life
In a career spanning the evolution of advertising and the current media landscape, Elizabeth Vagnoni was at the helm of some of the industry’s most notable commercial productions, like ATT’s ‘Reach Out and Touch Someone’ and DeBeers ‘Diamonds are Forever’ .
A Decade long association with Charter Health Systems, directing media outreach for depression and alcohol abuse programs for teens and adults, gave her hands -on experience, covering psycho-social subjects in a caring and compassionate way.  Ms. Vagnoni had drawn from these skills, and those as an activist to create a social networking site and a documentary on the topic of estrangement between adult children and their parents, as issue that recently touched her changing the face of her family.  She is applying her social media expertise to research partnerships in hopes that the direction will bring mush needed relief to those who have experienced “loss” through estrangement.  Ms. Vagnoni was chosen to present a workshop on the topic of estrangement at the 4th Conference of Emerging Adults and at the National Council on Family Relations Texas Council Conference.  “Changing Families in Changing Times”.  Additionally, a book covering the difficult topics that emerge frequently on her website  is soon to be published, and as a co-author of a paper written from her survey of estranged parents and adult children, a published article in the Journal of Family Communication.
Ms. Vagnoni has created and moderates   www.estrangedstories.com in an effort to provide support for those experiencing this situation. 

Also: Report on Reunification Issues- An AGA  Grandparent’s  Presentation

February 20th  7 P.M.
Featured Guest Speaker:      Jim Karl, Esq.        Collier County Florida
Litigation, Family Law, and Estate Planning   Collier County Florida  jim@karllawfirm.com 
Cornell Law School, J.D.,  Oxford University, Comparative Law 
Topics include:  Alienation Law and the Court System 
Grandparents Rights Legislation State of Florida - Recent Developments
Jim Karl, Esq. is presently working with Florida State Representatives on resubmitting to both the House and the Senate Committees a Grandparents Rights' Bill (similar to last years proposal) which is drafted in accordance with the suggestions set forth in recent Florida decisions, including the directives for the Florida Supreme Court.jim@karllawfirm.com         
March 20th    7:00 PM         SKYPE Presentation  Featuring : John Killinger, Ph.D. Pastor,  Prolific Writer/Author
From Poppy, With Love...Letters from a Grandfather to the Grandchildren He Isn't Allowed to See            Volume 1 and Volume 2   
April  24th              Note: 4th Thursday    
                         Featured  Guest  Speaker   
  In Person          Joshua Coleman, Ph.D.         San Francisco Bay Area
Psychologist and Co-Chair  Council on Contemporary Families
Monthly Webinars:  PAS   and   GA  Grandparent Alienation
Frequent guest on Today Show, NPR, the BBC
Featured on Sesame Street, 20/20, Good Morning America, PBS Life Part2
News Programs: FOX, ABC, CNN, NBC
Advice appeared in:  New York Times,  Times of London, Fortune, Newsweek, Chicago Tribune, Slate, Psychology Today, U.S. News and World Report, Parenting Magazine
Author: including  When Parent Hurt,  The Marriage Makeover,  Finding Happiness in Imperfect Harmony
AGA, Inc. President/Founder
Email: info@aga-fl.org


Last Meeting.

Looking forward to seeing everyone tomorrow for our last meeting of 2013.
The Tree of Hope is filling up and is shining brightly with wonderful messages of love from parents and grandparents who are denied contact with their children/grandchildren.

Dates of Meetings 2014.

Dates for  Meetings 2014.

Friday Feb 7th 2pm
Friday April 4th 2pm ( AGM)
Friday  June 6th 2pm
Friday August 1st 2pm
Friday October 3rd 2pm
Friday December 12th 2pm.

Monday 9 December 2013

"Hate is an emotion learnt."

Christmas time is always a time for reflection, as we approach the end of another year and a time to look to the future.
All of us who are personally involved in being denied contact from children or grandchildren know only too well the pain and hurt that we feel.
I spend so much time trying to work out how on earth we have reached this impasse, not just ourselves but the millions who are affected.
I have made mistakes through my life some I regret bitterly, the fact that I can say that I regret presumably shows that I have a conscience  an ability to think that I may have behaved in the wrong way. That I may have inadvertently hurt someone by my own actions.
Which brings me to thinking about all those perpetrators of alienation.
I listen to stories every single day, and to be honest some take my breath away, it could be the great grandmother who has a RO  for her granddaughter who frequently assaults her, knocking her about so badly she ends up at A and E, and no-one is helping her, it could be the case of a child who is only allowed to go and play with his friends if he recites 10 horrible things about the Dad he is not allowed to see, things that he has been taught to say. The grandfather, whose son has committed suicide as a result of not been able to see his daughter and the ex daughter in law then refusing to let the grandfather  any contact with his granddaughter, I could go on and on but to be honest some stories are just to dreadful.
What on earth makes human beings  do this sort of thing, what goes on in their heads, when they were born they didn't understand the concept of hate, what happens to them to want to inflict such heartbreak to another human being?
Do they ever look into themselves, to do their own reflecting, have they no conscience?
There will always be people that we meet that we don't get on with very well, everyone is different and has different values, but it doesn't mean we have to hurt them.
This evil of alienation is a blight on society, we know that, what we need to do is to make sure that everyone knows what the word alienation means and the total destruction that it brings.
The destruction of families.
A world with no conscience is a world falling apart.
Do you have a conscience?


10 new initiatives to help separating couples.

I will leave it for others to comment.


Sunday 8 December 2013

We can make a difference.

It is a December day, not dark and gloomy,
Bright and flowers are still blooming,
The days are short, but the light of our Tree of Hope,
Sends out a message.

A message of love and memories,
We are creating a link around the world,
Linking hands together,
The beacons of light embrace our children and grandchildren.

A time maybe to say I am sorry,
Sorry for any hurt I may have caused,
A time for looking forward,
Not to look back.

The past has come and gone,
We can not change what has gone before,
But we can endeavour to make a difference in the future.


Well Christmas has now arrived!

Our Christmas Tree of Hope is now up, it was lovely to have so many messages already to be able to dress it.
The lights are round red berries.
The thoughts and feelings that goes into every single one is very humbling and moving.
Many thanks to Marc for the blood,sweat and not quite tears for putting the tree up for us, should any ne'er-do-wells think they might try and pinch it, they will be awarded a medal!!!!!!!!!!
Spikes, chains and padlocks are involved.
Thank to those from all over the world who have emailed me messages, your love for your grandchildren is for all to see.
If it was in my power to grant you a wish it would be for you all to be reunited with those you love.

Thursday 5 December 2013

Support Via Skype.

I am adding another form of getting in contact with Bristol Grandparents Support Group.

You can access support via Skype, so whether you are in Cornwall, Texas or Sydney let me know your details.

Meeting Date Reminder.

A reminder that there is no meeting tomorrow it is on 13th December at 2pm.

Grandparents who take a back seat.

It is always so good to hear successful stories of sons/mums/grandparents being reunited with their children/grandchildren, and like everyone else it gives me hope and I am so pleased for them.
This week I read on a forum of a great case of justice finally being done and the family concerned are looking forward to a wonderful Christmas.
However, I read today with dismay a comment saying - to all grandparents who have made the decision to take a back seat, time to stand beside your son/daughter in court-.
I can not possibly put into words how those few words have made me feel. It was like a dagger through my heart.
'Taking a backseat' was the most difficult decision we have ever had to make, to lose the little girl who we all love so,so much breaks our hearts daily. It was not a decision that was taken lightly, believe me.
The internal turmoil it caused and continues to do so is unbelievable, a part of all of my family is missing.
Having been at the receiving end of many unpleasant comments when doing articles etc, it is something that I have nearlygot used to and I usually don't even read them as so hurtful, but this has really taken me right back 61/2 years ago when this pain started.
As I said, I am absolutely delighted for this family, but please don't think that those of us who for whatever reason are not going through court are failures.
I for one feel a failure already.


Wednesday 4 December 2013

How I do messages ect for The Tree of Hope.

As people are setting up groups around the world, I have been asked to show how the messages,star etc for our Christmas Tree are done,
I use a product called plasticard for the messages and permanent marker pens ,make sure they are waterproof. I cut the sheets into shapes, punch a hole in the corner and tie ribbons through the hole.
Messages that are emailed to me, I print off and laminate them. here are some photos to show you, the star goes on the top of the tree, an example of a few of the messages and the sign I put up to explain what the tree is for.

Tuesday 3 December 2013

Should Grandparents Have Rights?

Once again this week I was talking about the rights of grandparents to see their grandchildren, it is a contentious subject.
As I have said before I really do have a problem with the word, rights.
It seems we live in a society that demands rights.
Fathers Rights, Women's Rights, Animal Rights, Welfare Rights, the list is endless and of course Human Rights.
Unfortunately there appears there is no alternative to that word, and so I have to use it.
When we are discussing family separation, in my view it is never about the rights of the adult but the consideration of the children.
Some grandparents and organisations feel the need to lobby their MP's for Grandparents Rights, and although I understand it, I honestly don't believe it will ever happen.
Apart from anything else we have just been through, and it is continuing through the House of Lords, slowly, a complete reform of the Family Justice System, it wont be looked at again for the foreseeable future.
When I am approached by desperate grandparents who want to start up petitions etc, who have been advised by an MP to start one, my heart sinks.
Of course they are doing it for all the right reasons but often  unaware that you need at least 100,000 signatures for it to get anywhere , and I am sceptical that it is not going to happen.
It is giving false hopes to heartbroken people.
If you actually look at petitions that have already been started over the last couple of years, I don't believe I have ever seen one with more than 100 signatures.
I do believe that a child has a right to their identity, to their family history but in the UK we have thousands of non resident parents who are denied contact with their own children, surely we have to put that right above all else?
If grandparents were ever given rights it would cause even more antagonism than there is already.
How would it effect the children?
They may well be living where alienation is occurring on a daily basis, so where would grandparents rights put them, they would be  in yet another impossible situation. They have to live the life they have been dealt, we might not like it, but that is the case.
They love their parents, they want to live a quiet life and quite rightly get on with the business of growing up,  if suddenly they were told by law that they had to have a relationship with their grandparents what would they do?
More arguments and upset in their young lives.
Do we want that for our grandchildren?
I don't.
As always this is only my personal opinion.

Grandparents go Global!

There is  now  a grandparents support group setting up in Austin Texas and if anyone is in Sydney Australia   let me know, support is needed.
There is a FB link to the Austin grandparents https://www.facebook.com/CantKeepaGoodGrandparentDown


Saturday 30 November 2013

Tree of Hope- for grandparents, non-resident parents all family members.

Most of you will know that for the last 5 years I have had a Christmas Tree of Hope in our front garden for grandparents to write messages to their grandchildren. Although this started for grandparents who are denied contact it is of course there for anyone to come and write messages of hope. It may be you are a non resident parent who is denied contact with your children, any family member who is not able to see a family member due to family breakdown.
Anyone is welcome to come and add their message, we have children who come every year to write their own very special messages for families who are not seeing children particularly at Christmas time.
If you are not local you can always message me your message and I will add it on your behalf.


Thursday 28 November 2013

Misleading information.

I have just read an article on a well known website about what to do if you are denied contact with your grandchildren, it  has completely wrong information, and is very misleading.
It uses the word 'custody' which is a word that is no longer used as it as it means imprisonment.
Also it says that it is ok for grandparents to have indirect contact if they want to, not as an order, grandparents can phone the grandchildren etc, mind it does say that it might be a good idea to tell the 'parents' that you are going to do it.
This is another corker "Custody is generally granted to the mother, so maternal grandparents end up being the providers of more of the emotional and financial support following the divorce."
Is it any wonder at all, that the public get the wrong idea about family splits, when there is content like this everywhere.
Finally, this -The onus will be on the parents to honour the relationships that matter to the child, meaning that arrangements for contact with grandparents will now have to be part of parenting agreements that are drawn up at the time of divorce - and it's only when these break down that the courts will get involved.-
"have" my understanding is that the importance of grandparents will be stressed, nowhere have I read the word "have".

Incandescent is such a good word to sum up how this sort of rubbish makes me feel.
When a grandparent finds themselves in this heartbreaking situation you try to find answers anywhere you can, and that includes the internet, this sort of thing just gives grandparents false hopes.


Thank You.

I would like to publicly thank those who have sent cheques to Bristol Grandparents Support Group, it costs money to run the group mail costs, phone costs, etc.
Without you it would be very difficult.


Monday 25 November 2013

Helpline for Older people.

You may have seen that a new helpline for older people was launched today, they are also asking for volunteers if you are interested take a look


Sunday 24 November 2013

The stupidity of Family Justice once again .



Grandparents feelings of contempt.

I was reading today some comments  amongst grandparents who are denied contact with their grandchildren and one thing that they all have in  common is the feelings of contempt.
Just reading them made me feel so sad, how on earth can there ever be any form of reconciliation when such apparent hatred for other parties is being banded about.
These particular grandparents were using real names etc, so easily identified, is it because they are unaware that all forms of social media are public.
I have written before about forgiveness ect, and I know that many, many people who are estranged from children/grandchildren say they never will forgive, and I do understand, but and it's a big but, if we all have this hatred in our hearts how can we take our situation forward?
I can only talk personally, but I know that I said things that I shouldn't have so I am to blame as well, I am by no means perfect.
How many of us can honestly take a step back and say, I was totally blameless?
It becomes a defence mechanism to badmouth those that have hurt us deeply, but where will it get us.
By slagging off those who have prevented us from having a loving relationship with our children/grandchildren is not the answer.
That doesn't mean I have the answer , I don't, what I do know is that being constantly angry is pointless and achieves nothing.
Those that have caused such heartbreak are not going to respond to bitter words, in fact they wont even hear them.
You see both sides of the argument believe they are right.
The Internet is a great place to find all sorts of information from all over the world, and for some reason all of a sudden there appears to be groups setting up globally, most shouting loudly about standing firm for their RIGHTS, whose to say anyone has one right over another, I hate the word, it is like some form of one upmanship. "I have one right over and above you."
What I do know however is that it still results in adults inflicting pain on their children/grandchildren by involving them in an adult conflict world that no-one understands.
So maybe think before posting comments on any forms of social media, your children/grandchildren might well be reading them.


Thursday 21 November 2013

How Long Will I Love You.

The lyrics to Ellie Golding's song are just so appropriate for non resident parents and grandparents who are denied contact.

How long will I love you
As long as stars are above you
And longer if I can
How long will I need you
As long as the seasons need to
Follow their plan
How long will I be with you
As long as the sea is bound to
Wash up on the sand
How long will I want you
As long as you want me to
And longer by far
How long will I hold you
As long as your father told you
As long as you can
How long will I give to you
As long as I live through you
However long you say
How long will I love you
As long as stars are above you
And longer if I may
We're all traveling through time together
Every day of our lives
All we can do is do our best
To relish this remarkable ride

Christmas Trees of Hope around the world.

The Tree of Hope that started its life in my Bristol front garden is being replicated all over the UK and USA.
Manchester support group are planning to have one and Austin Texas.
It would be great to have lots of trees all over the world, if you think it is something you would like to do get in touch and I will give you some tips.
Remember that the weather can ruin your messages so use white plastic sheets, the sort used for modelling, cut into squares and use permanent marker pens or pens that write on acetate, punch a hole in one corner and thread coloured ribbon for tying, and tie on tight!
Or if you are sent messages, print them out and laminate them.
Please let me know if you are planning to have one it would be good to see photos as well.


Monday 18 November 2013

Transparency in Family Courts.

From Family Law newswatch


12 NOVEMBER 2013

Sir J Munby PThe controversial relationship between the media and the family courts and the Court of Protection was at the heart of Sir James Munby P's speech at the Society of Editors' Annual Conference this week, where he spoke strongly about the pressing need for greater transparency in the family courts and the Court of Protection.
Speaking of the public interest at the heart of family proceedings, he said:
"The workings of the family justice system and, very importantly, the views about the system of the mothers and fathers caught up in it, are matters of public interest which can and should be discussed publicly. Many of the issues litigated in the family justice system require open and public debate in the media. It is important in a free society that parents who feel aggrieved at their experiences of the family justice system should be able to express their views publicly about what they conceive to be failings on the part of individual judges or failings in the judicial system. And the same goes, of course, for criticism of local authorities and others."
He spoke of the ‘inevitable fallibility of human justice', putting forward the prevention of miscarriages of justice as another argument in favour of open justice:
"We must have the humility to recognise - and to acknowledge - that public debate, and the jealous vigilance of an informed media, have an important role to play in exposing past miscarriages of justice and in preventing possible future miscarriages of justice."
A further key point was visibility and the promotion of public confidence in the courts:
"It is vitally important, if the administration of justice is to be promoted and public confidence in the courts maintained, that justice be administered in public - or at least in a manner which enables its workings to be properly scrutinised - so that the judges and other participants in the process remain visible and amenable to comment and criticism."
Sir James Munby P also spoke of the freedom of the press to report, arguing that the family court judge should have no editorial control over the manner in which the media reports information:
"If there is no basis for injuncting a story expressed in the temperate or scholarly language of a legal periodical or the broadsheet press there can be no basis for injuncting the same story simply because it is expressed in the more robust, colourful or intemperate language of the tabloid press or even in language which is crude, insulting and vulgar. A much more robust view must be taken today than previously of what ought rightly to be allowed to pass as permissible criticism. Society is more tolerant today of strong or even offensive language. ...
As the Strasbourg court has repeatedly said, ‘journalistic freedom also covers possible recourse to a degree of exaggeration, or even provocation.'"
Referencing back to the 1927 case of Whitney v California, he quoted Brandeis J, who said:
"If there be time to expose through discussion the falsehood and fallacies, to avert the evil by the processes of education, the remedy to be applied is more speech, not enforced silence."
The final version of the Practice Guidance ‘Transparency in the Family Courts and the Court of Protection - Publication of Judgments' will be introduced later this year. The President called for consultation on how the media might access documents used in court, and how the rules governing the family court and the Court of Protection might be revised and aligned to achieve greater transparency.    

Inappropriate Comments.

Running a website,blog and support group sadly can attract people who have a desire to make inappropriate and to say the least insensitive comments.
Let me make it quite clear, once again, ALL comments on the blog are moderated and they ARE deleted.
If you make inappropriate and hurtful comments to grandparents who comment on FB, they WILL be removed and you will be removed from my FB page.
I know that I would be naive to think this is never going to happen, and after nearly 40,000 hits on the blog it is quite rare, but I WILL NOT stand for it.
If you are a parent who is denied contact, particularly, you should know only too well what to be denied contact means, sadly a couple of remarks lately have been from those parents.
I will and always have given support to non contact parents as well as grandparents, but if this continues believe me you are not doing your position any good at all.
Grandparents are suffering from this heartbreak, some make the decision to end their lives because they can't deal with the pain from not seeing their grandchildren, and yes, if you leave hurtful comments you are adding to their pain.

Sunday 17 November 2013

Tree of Hope, messages to your grandchildren.

So , it is creeping ever closer for you to be thinking of what you might like to write for the Tree of Hope.
For those of you who have just joined us, for the last 5 years I have put a Christmas Tree in my front garden for grandparents to come and write messages to their grandchildren.
If you are not local then you can email me your message and I will add it to the tree, as we reach Christmas Day it is a beacon of bright light full of love and hope.
You can email your messages to jane@bristolgrandparentssupportgroup.co.uk