Saturday, 29 December 2012
I hope that the blog is giving the support it was intended to do and it keeps people up to date with what we are all up to.
Many thanks again and I wish you all a very Happy and Hopeful New Year.
Thursday, 27 December 2012
That is not because a father or mum doesn't love their children or that they don't care about them anymore, quite the reverse, but for them and their own unique circumstances, they are acting in their 'children's best interest.' It is the hardest decision any parent can make, there are no words to explain the utter grief this causes the parents.
They are not feckless, as the media will sometimes report, but parents who know that their children need to be able to get on with their life, they need to grow and develop as young people, they do not want them to be involved in continuing conflict between mum and dad, to be involved in court proceedings etc.
The same applies to grandparents, a member of the judiciary said to me recently, that this was a small problem as not many grandparents apply for contact orders. It does not mean that it is a small issue, it means that the majority of grandparents make the decision not to go to court, for the same reasons as parents not going to court.
As a society, what on earth are we doing, parents having to go to court to see our own children?
Wednesday, 26 December 2012
Tuesday, 25 December 2012
If you have just a few moments and as yet not looked at this please do, a message of hope for us all.
As Aimee says in her message never give up, alienated children are aware and they will find you.
Saturday, 22 December 2012
Thursday, 20 December 2012
Tuesday, 18 December 2012
Friday, 14 December 2012
Wednesday, 12 December 2012
Tuesday, 11 December 2012
Monday, 10 December 2012
Sunday, 9 December 2012
Saturday, 8 December 2012
The Tree of Hope was well received and more messages were added. There was a small temporary technical hitch when the lights didn't work, but thanks to Marc all was well.
I have said this before but the support that you give to others ,in particular to new people is wonderful and without it the group would not work.
So a huge thank you to you all.
If any of you are local you might like to know that Gospel Generation Community Choir, of which I am a member, will be singing at St. Edyths Church in Sea Mills on Wednesday 12th at 7:30pm and you would be very welcome.
Thank you all again.
Friday, 7 December 2012
Thursday, 6 December 2012
Monday, 3 December 2012
Sunday, 2 December 2012
Karen manages to be able to put into words that we all feel.
Friday, 30 November 2012
I am unsure about this article, as a great deal of charities bring concerns to the public eye and raise awareness we certainly try to do this, I would love to hear your views.
Thursday, 29 November 2012
As we are fast approaching December a reminder that we will for the 4th year running be having a Tree of Hope in our garden for grandparents,parents and children to come and put their messages on.
It is something that has become a 'tradition' we have children coming year after year asking if they can write to the children who wont be seeing their grandparents at Christmas. Some of the words they write are truly moving.
Thank you to everyone over the years who have helped to fill our tree with love.
If you are unable to come and write your message, email me and I will write it for you and put it on.
This photo was taken just a couple of days of going up last year, as we move closer towards Christmas it fills up.
Wednesday, 28 November 2012
Thank you very much indeed for your email. I’m sure you weren’t the only person who read the piece and came to that view. I’ll certainly bear it in mind in future.
Tuesday, 27 November 2012
If you have emailed me via the website please accept my apologies if you haven't received a reply, I am looking into it.
Monday, 26 November 2012
http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/cr ... 48429.html
Saturday, 24 November 2012
Friday, 23 November 2012
Tuesday, 20 November 2012
Pre-legislative scrutiny of the Children and Families Bill
Monday, 19 November 2012
A grandparent can reassure at a time of change to ensure the children know they are loved and that they can to talk to their grandparents, when sometimes they find it difficult to talk to Mum and Dad.
It is vital that we understand that the children may be having conflicting loyalties and we must not at anytime 'take sides' that way children will be able to talk to us without worrying.
When grandparents find themselves being denied contact, and all lines of communication have broken down you might consider mediation.
Of course mediation needs two parties to agree, mediation is a safe place for families to try and work towards decisions that are in the best interest of the children.
You can contact National Family Mediation on T: 03004000636 to find offices in your area.
Friday, 16 November 2012
This is right up there in the full view of the public eye at the moment, but we know that thousands of Dads and to a smaller extent, Mums, get falsely accused of all sorts of horrendous things, where are the lawyers, PR people, public figures etc telling the public about them, supporting them?
They are the forgotten victims.
In English law it says that 'a man is innocent until proven guilty,' so the onus should be on the accuser to prove the allegation.
I am referring here to false accusations within a family breakdown conflict.
We know that does not happen.
Of course this could be due to the fact that these people as not who they say they are or genuinely people have emailed their incorrect address.
If you have emailed me and not received a reply,as I reply to them all, contact me again.
Make sure that your email address is correct.
Thursday, 15 November 2012
Tuesday, 6 November 2012
I have said it over and over again but we are looking for a cultural shift in the way that parenthood is looked at, denying contact has to be as socially unacceptable as drink driving.
Monday, 5 November 2012
If what I have read so far, it is great news for the hundreds of thousands of children who are denied contact with both parents.
Friday, 2 November 2012
Wednesday, 31 October 2012
Friday, 26 October 2012
It is only online for 7 days!
This morning I sat through a 2nd reading of a private members draft Bill on FAMILY JUSTICE (TRANSPARENCY, ACCOUNTABILITY AND COST OF LIVING) .
It began at 9:30am and finished around 2pm!
I find it astonishing to see that so few MP's actually turn up to the House of Commons for readings such as this.
There were 12, but they didn't all stay.
Every MP who spoke pressed the importance of grandparents in children's' lives, providing stability especially when family breakdown occurs.
One MP told of a constituent who is a grandfather.
Grandad had always been very involved in his grandsons life, his daughter and husband split and the daughter went to live with her father (Grandad) and her son.Tragically his daughter died.
It was deemed in the 'child's best interest' to be sent to the other end of the country to live with his Dad. His Dad had seen very little of his son up to this point, had a history and convictions of drug dependancy, and other criminal activities.
The Grandad, has had no contact since.
How can this possibly be in the 'child's best interest,' he is now truanting from school, is disruptive and his general behaviour is cause for concern.
I hear similar cases like this all the time, how can it happen?
Although the guidance is there, time and time again children are being let down by the system that is supposed to be in place to safeguard them.
Thursday, 25 October 2012
Acid is corrosive, causes pain, burning, it is damaging and poisonous.
One parent will drip,drip, drip, acid onto the relationship with the other parent, over time the damage is unmeasurable to the child.
To be continually told that one parent is useless and doesn't love you, inflicts pain and burns away at the thoughts of the child.
Eventually poisoning the mind of the child to believing that what they are being drip fed is true.
Children being used as weapons between adults, these children will eventually be adults, able to question this 'Acid Drip.'
Wednesday, 24 October 2012
Sunday, 21 October 2012
If you are a granddad and of the same generation as Marc, you may find it hard to share your feelings about not being able to see your grandchildren. He comes from a generation of men who were taught to have a stiff upper lip and to keep your feelings under wraps.
You will have seen how open and honest Marc's feelings were in the programme we did. When I asked him afterwards if he was ok with that being shown he said that if it showed other granddads that it is ok to be sad then it was worth it.
It was worth it, we have had many calls and emails from granddads who want to come to meetings, Marc is always there so it's not all grans!
We both look froward to meeting you all.
If you haven't seen it on iplayer, you only have until tomorrow as it is only there for 7 days.
Not only have I heard from grandparents but also from non resident parents, the common denominator is that we are being denied contact with children and grandchildren.
I really would like to see all groups working together, to be able to pool are experiences and skills would be a very positive move.
I was accused this week of always saying that grandparents should not go down the legal route.
There are several things that I need to say, firstly when you take part in any programme or do articles, the editors always edit the content so I have no control at all of the end result.
We spend days filming or talking for probably just a few minutes.
Also it is purely my person view that the legal route has its pitfalls, the emotional stress, the expense etc, that is not to say that if a grandparent makes that decision of course I support them through that.
It can be the correct decision for some and it can be successful, but there are no guarantees.
As said in the programme, it does seem ridiculous in this day and age that we are even discussing the need for people to have to go to court to try and gain contact with their children or grandchildren.
Saturday, 20 October 2012
Over the last 5 years we have had a Christmas tree in the garden for grandparents to come and write messages on, this year we hope to have it up in time for the meeting.
It is great to watch the tree fill up as we get nearer to Christmas Day, a little bit of brightness and a symbol of hope.
If you unable to come and visit the tree in person you can always emil me your message and I will put it on for you, but I will post a reminder a bit nearer the time.
Wednesday, 17 October 2012
I have had a grandparent in the Bath area who is interested in meeting others in the area, so please contact me if that interests you.
It is important again for me to reassure you, that any conversation or email I have is in total confidence, and I never have or would give out names or details without written permission.
What a great piece of footage to back up the need for shared parenting.
A very powerful film thats worth emailing to those in high positions.
Its so very easy to get absorbed in our own little world.Our fight to see out children and the rights of our children to see us.
We forget a very big and extremely important third dimension.The Grandparents.
In many case they are even more desperate to see their grandchildren then even the father is.
They love them like they were their own.
Just because in some cases the father does a runner doesnt mean the grandparents don't want to be involved.
What rights do they have.
Jesus we moan about our own situation but these people without their names on the birth certificate and without PR I'm assuming the chance to win contact is zilch.
What I loved about this film was the gender issue got put to one side.
Nasty,evil,abusive,harassing,raping fathers did not feature.
In this film it was both men and women.Brilliant.
I loved the scene in the living room full of just women.Also them complaining about being questioned on harassment and even abduction was surreal.
Come on if we say it who takes any notice however a vunerable grandma,well its just priceless.
The reality is when a woman denies contact she denies contact not only to the father but she is depriving the children of contact with their grandparents also.O and just for good measure theres the great grandparents,uncles,aunties,great uncles,great aunties,1st cousins,2nd cousins etc.
The whole flipping extended family.
Lets see the feminists argue that one.
It would be great if all got to together and fought for 'Family Rights'.The rights of all members of the childs extended family to see those children.
Imagine how powerful a march through london with all these sections of people protesting for shared
On our own a march with fathers would be ignored.With these people plus any mothers out there who believe in a childs right to see its family then thats a very powerful march.
Just to think.
If my son has a child,splits from his partner and is denied access,my ex would be denied access to her grandchild.
Tuesday, 16 October 2012
For those of you who have just discovered the blog, this is where I endeavour to try and keep grandparents up to date with things that are going on locally and nationally.
It is also good to hear your points of view as well, so please do comment on the posts. Due to an incident a few months ago, all comments now come to me before they are published, so don't think that your comments have disappeared they are just waiting for me to publish them.
For those of you who have asked this is the link to the programme last night, you need to forward it until about 12 mins before the end.
Thank you all for your support it has been amazing.
Sunday, 14 October 2012
Saturday, 13 October 2012
Well ,it is Autumn, and I understand that the DoE do not have a date on their books for when this will happen or any info it seems.
This is one of the most important decisions as far as families are concerned this government will make, it is in their hands, to stop this dreadful situation of children being denied their human right to be part of both parents lives.
In reality, I fear that there will be no announcement of any sort in the life of this term of office of this government. It will silently disappear.
Silently disappear,just like thousands of non resident parents are forced to do.
I urge everyone to email,write to their MP's etc and demand an answer to this.
A panel of organisations,charities etc have all been working on this panel, if an organisation representing interested parties are not making a BIG noise about this, they have No right to represent anyone, it is disgraceful.
I suggest you look at the list of those involved.
Tim Loughton MP who was on the panel was removed in the last reshuffle, he had worked so hard for legislating for Shared Parenting, is that why he is no longer involved?
Thursday, 11 October 2012
Wednesday, 10 October 2012
He spoke fondly of his father saying he was an inspiration to him and that you only realise how important Dads are when they are no longer there.
That is also what the hundreds and thousands of children are screaming at the top of their voices in the UK, the difference being that they are prevented being part of their Dads life because of adult conflict.
So all the children are waiting for you Mr Cameron to legislate for Shared Parenting.
Monday, 8 October 2012
This golden opportunity will, possibly not occur for at least a decade.
A whole generation of our children are growing up estranged from one of their parents, if the government are truly advocates of family life, now is the time.
Tuesday, 2 October 2012
Monday, 1 October 2012
Sunday, 30 September 2012
So give yourselves a little more time, for finding somewhere to park.
Saturday, 29 September 2012
Many thanks again to Charlotte Leslie MP for the extra filming that took place yesterday afternoon.
Friday, 28 September 2012
Wednesday, 26 September 2012
There is no excuse at all for proven Domestic Violence in all its forms.
I have put this link to a document you might find interesting.
Tuesday, 25 September 2012
Sunday, 23 September 2012
Only offer advice if you are asked, never do the , "Don't you think you should do this, that and the other,when I had my children I did this," nothing more irritating to parents!
The point is that you are talking about your children, not theirs.
So often, family fall outs happen because someone oversteps the mark.
We must allow our children to make their own mistakes, just like we did, we have been parents the role of grandparents is totally different.
There to give support when required, to have the fun but not the responsibility!
Rule of thumb, think your own thoughts, don't speak them.
Thursday, 20 September 2012
The programme is due to be aired in October I will let you know the date when I have it.
I know only to well how emotionally draining it is, it is a time for reflection for us all when being asked such personal questions.
My thanks also to Kath and Steve for their sensitivity.
Wednesday, 19 September 2012
The Family Court system should recognise Parental Alienation and the Practice Directions need to be. epetitions.direct.gov.uk1.The UK Family Courts should recognise Parental Alienation as a real problem. 2.Where Judges suspect that one parent is implacably hostile to contact, they must appoint a specialist family psychologist or psychiatrist to report back in one month. The fees should be met by the parents or by the Gove...
Monday, 17 September 2012
Sunday, 16 September 2012
Family conflict that can be so damaging to everyone, but most importantly to the children who are caught up in waring factions that is nothing to do with them, and is out of their control, but it impacts their lives so seriously.
On September 21st it is One Peace Day, it calls for everyone who is fighting in any way to cease for a day.
It is a global call, from countries at war with one another to families who are fighting, a day to STOP.
If you can stop for one day, you can stop for the other 364 days a year.
Please join the campaign.
Wednesday, 12 September 2012
I set this group up in 2007 when I lost contact with my granddaughter as a result of my sons divorce.When contact with all of us was stopped.
We had been part of her life for 7years and the heartbreak for us all was devastating.
I felt I had to somehow turn this negative into a positive and so Bristol Grandparents Support Group started to slowly take shape.
So 5 years on and over 20,000 hits on the blog, a website devoted to the group and regular support group meetings and countless telephone calls from distressed grandparents, the group has now gained its own momentum, with grandparents offering support themselves.
It is worth mentioning though, that this is not a big 'corporate' group at all it is still run by me with support from my husband,and a group of trustees.
The meetings are held in my home , so if you do contact me can you please do so during 'office' hours, if I am not around leave a message and I will return your call as soon as I can. I have had occasions where people clearly think they are phoning an office so ring in the early hours of the morning to leave a message!
The group is entirely focussed on the children involved in this and denied contact issues.
We are not affiliated in any way to any other charity or organisation, we do not get government funding.
We are truly independent.
Tuesday, 11 September 2012
Sunday, 9 September 2012
Saturday, 8 September 2012
It has been a very emotional and difficult time.
Thank you to everyone who sent comments,emails,messages and called me, your wise words have been very comforting.
It is difficult to explain how important this group is to me and I do feel as though it is something I am supposed to be doing. Some of you will understand that others maybe won't.
Amongst other things as suggested I wrote a list of pros and cons, here it is:
As you can see quite clearly one list is much longer than the other!
So I have looked carefully at the Cons list to see what we can do to either prevent it or certainly to be more aware of those pitfalls.
On the blog I have written - 'contact during office hours.'
I need to make it clear to people that this is a small organisation not some large corporate organisation.
We have legal professionals now within the group to assist me.
I have made it clear that I will not get involved in personality clashes within the group, this is after all a support group.
I have and will if necessary bar people from making comments on the blog and bar them from being associated with Bristol Grandparents Support Group in any way.