Should I write to my grandchild?

If you are reading these blogs, presumably it is because you have lost contact with a grandchild or grandchildren, we all know that it can happen for so many different reasons but the result is the same.

I have written previously about a variety of things you can do to keep those memories alive, such as a memory box, where you can put perhaps photos of special events that occur in the family, photocopies of cards you have sent, letters, ect.

You can start a blog, like this one, you can use it as an online journal, keep it child focussed, so don't say unkind things about their parent/parents, you may not get on together but they are your grandchild's parents and they love them.

It isn't difficult to set one up.

You can do the same thing only in the book journal way, a book to just jot things down as and when they happen and when you want to say something.

I have mentioned letters and it is something that I am often asked about.

A letter can be very therapeutic and the choice is yours as to whether you actually send it or not.

I would add a word of caution though.

Your letter should be about your grandchild and what is relevant to them, taking their age into account, but be very careful not to bring the child into any conflict that is going on, if it is one of your children who are denying contact don't say inappropriate things about perhaps their partner or other family members.

I know that we think we know our children better than anyone else, and we probably do, but we can't tell them who they should or should not be sharing their lives with, our adult children have to make mistakes just like we did, and hopefully learn by them.

There is nothing worse than your parent telling you are with the wrong man or women, when I was younger I clearly remember that if my parents told me to do something I would do completely the opposite! That is still the case how ever old we are.

It is of course so, so hard to stand by and watch the mistakes being made, particularly if we feel that a new partner is having a detrimental effect on our relationships, but we still can't interfere.

I know that it is extremely hard for some of you.

It may be that whoever is preventing you from seeing a grandchild is indeed saying things about you that are untrue but we still must not involve the children.

The children if old enough, know the truth anyway, but they have to live the life they have at the moment and must be allowed to be children and not to take the burden of adult conflict on their young shoulders.

As I have said so many times before, we can't be responsible for others behaviour but we are responsible for our own.

Jane

www.bristolgrandparentssupportgroup.co.uk